something a wild animal chewed up and spit out over a cliff. “I’ll feel better after my coffee.” I hold up my mug. “Would you like a cup?”
“Sure.”
I move into the kitchen to brew a cup for him. “I’m sorry you had to bring my car back. I was nervous last night, and I conjured a few too many glasses of wine.”
Standing at my counter, his lips twitch. “On the bright side, you’ve got that down.”
“True.”
A few minutes later we both sit on my couch with our coffees.
“Why are you doing this?” he asks quietly. “Giving up your powers?”
“I’m never going to be any good.” I pluck at the furry pink cushion. “I wanted to fit in with my new family. I always wanted family, and then I got what I wanted, but you all are so different… so amazing. I’ve worked so hard, and I still don’t fit in.”
“That’s not true.”
I barrel on. “And like I said yesterday, I’ve caused too many problems for all of you.”
Joe sighs. “I’m not trying to change your mind about giving up your powers. And I know you said you’ve thought this through. But I think it’s time for you to do some shadow work.”
I’ve heard this term, but it’s not something Trace and I have covered. “Okay?”
“It’s a way to dive into your unconscious mind and uncover tendencies and fixations. We all repress our shadow selves in different ways. This is a process to explore those things. The wounds that you’re repressing.”
“I’m repressing wounds?”
“We all are, in some way. Our shadow self is the key to the ideal of being a balanced witch. A witch who acknowledges who he or she is fully and embraces it, accepting the good and bad parts.”
“I have a lot of bad parts,” I mutter.
“No, you don’t, and you need to realize that.”
“I’m so tired of all this studying though.”
“Do this one more thing. For me.” He gives me an intent look. “Okay?”
“Okay.”
“I’m sure you can find more information about shadow work, but to get started, here are a few things to know. You have to have silence. No cell phone, no TV, no internet. Just you and yourself.”
I nod.
“Once you sit in silence, things will start to rise to the surface—hopes and dreams, fears and doubts. Repressed memories. It can feel messy. Even scary. You might want to stop. But don’t. Keep going. And this is important—let yourself feel the emotions.”
“This sounds like therapy,” I mutter.
“It kind of is. Your emotions will tell you things about yourself. It’s a good idea to write them down.”
I make a face. “Can I use my iPad?”
He smiles and shakes his head. “Use whatever you want.”
“Great.” I yawn. “Thanks, Joe. I’ll try it.”
“Remember… it’s not the powers you have that make you magical. It’s what you do with them that defines you.”
I nod.
“And… you don’t have to fit in with your family. You’re part of the family no matter what.”
“Oh.” My throat clogs. “Thank you.”
“I need to ask you something. About Trace.”
My entire body seizes. My eyes dart around. “What about him?”
Sounding like he’s choosing his words carefully, he says, “Cassie has the idea that he might have feelings for you.”
“Feelings?” I stall.
“Yes. She thinks maybe he’s in love with you.” Joe clears his throat.
“Oh my god!” I laugh, hoping I don’t sound hysterical. “Why would she think such a thing?”
“Well, she’s pretty observant. She says he looks at you… and is protective of you.” He clears his throat.
Looks at me? How? I swallow. “Trace doesn’t do relationships,” I say brightly. “He told me that. So no worries about that!”
“Right,” Joe says, grimacing. “Okay.”
Whew.
“And one more thing.”
“Yeah?”
“Would you… call me Dad?”
A lump of emotion forms in my chest and rises into my throat. I study his face, which I’ve come to know so well. I love him. “Yes,” I whisper. “I would love to.”
We lean toward each other to hug.
He pulls back. “Take the day off tomorrow. You can do your shadow work.”
“Oh… that would be great.” I pause. “Can I ask you something else?”
“Anything.”
I fiddle with the ties of my pajama pants. “I still don’t understand… what is our purpose as witches?”
His forehead creases.
“Like, why do we have witch powers?” I try to clarify. “Why are we here?”
“Those are big questions.”
“I know.” I sigh. “I keep thinking I’ll figure it out, but I haven’t yet.”
“Well.” He falls silent for a moment, thinking. “I don’t think there are answers for those.”