Big Dick Energy - Cindi Madsen Page 0,78

a way you’ll actually understand…”

I winced at the actually and muttered, “It’d be great if you’d be less condescending about it.”

“Um, I’m pretty sure there’s nothing more condescending than telling the brilliant woman you’re in love with that you have no faith in her by bowing out of a competition, so deal with it. My help comes at a price.”

“I’m not sure I can afford much more of this. I’ve beat myself up enough.”

“Oh, poor you.” Izzie patted my shoulder before flattening her mouth into a harsh line and cocking her head. “It must be super hard to sit around moping over the result of your own consequences. Do you need anything?”

“Okay,” I said, throwing up my hands. “I’m out.” I started to stand, but Izzie tugged on my arm, pulling me back to the couch.

“That was just a demonstration to show you what pity feels like. Not great, huh?”

Instead of admitting she had a point, I exhaled.

“Back when you played soccer, you trained non-stop, right? Say you’d been waiting to take down your rival. Let’s amp up the stakes and add that it’s a team that’s beaten you before. Then, after working for a month straight, you show up all psyched up and ready to play, only for them to forfeit. Would you feel satisfied calling that a win?”

Izzie had painted me into a corner and, judging by the smug tilt of her lips, she knew it.

“No,” I finally said. I clenched and released my fists. “Just the thought is enough to irritate me. I’d be begging for a rematch to prove I could take them down.”

Over the past few days, I’d had a lot of realizations about the ways I’d sold Penelope short, but Izzie’s metaphor held up a mirror that effectively reflected the damage I’d done. Not only had I assumed I’d win, I’d also yanked the victory out from beneath Penelope’s feet before she could taste and enjoy it.

Winning isn’t everything. It’s the only thing. How many times had I heard Dad deliver that quote? And I’d resented it every single time. He’d texted about as many times as I’d messaged Penelope, asking when he could brag about his son redesigning the Pythons stadium.

Another realization hit me: I could tell him I’d lost the account and shrug off whatever harsh words he tossed at me. While I’d never gone all in on that quote, I’d let my desire to win lose me the only thing that truly mattered. I’d found a woman who brought me happiness, showered me with affection, and taught me there was so much more to life than winning and losing.

I’d never quite bought into that idea, either. Until I’d gone and lost her.

Izzie rested her elbow on the back of the couch. “I’m hoping that face means you’re done feeling sorry for yourself and ready to do whatever it takes to win Penelope back?”

Resolve and desperation made a heady cocktail, one that left me willing to hand my love life over to a tween girl. I set my jaw and turned fully toward my sister. “I can’t lose her, Izzie. I’ll do whatever it takes. I’m also hoping that your question means you have an idea?”

31

Penny

As Catalina, Ellie, and I approached the door to Paddy’s Gaslamp Pub on Saturday night, I dragged my feet. “I don’t think I can go in. I’m not ready yet, and there are too many memories inside.”

Cat hooked her arm through mine and towed me closer to the green awning with the four-leaf clover. “You can and you’re going to. No guy gets to take away our spot.”

Ellie brought up the rear, nudging me toward the matching green door, as though Cat’s iron grip might fail. “We’re saying this with love, Pen. After a knock-down, drag-out competition, you won the biggest account of your life last weekend. And instead of celebrating, you skipped last girls’ night to mope. Did you really think we’d let you miss out on one more? It’s getting sad. You’ve got to get back to regular life.”

Regular life didn’t feel regular anymore. It had a big Archer-shaped hole blown through it, and to tell the truth, it wasn’t getting sad; it was sad. Although my friends meant pathetic but were too nice to say that. Unfortunately, all variations and synonyms fit.

“Correction,” I said, skipping right over confronting my emotions to land on sarcasm. “I tried, but you two showed up with a bottle of vodka and edible gummies and forced me to watch