Between You & Me - By Marisa Calin Page 0,41

the sink, washing a teacup when I come in. I blink in the light.

MOM

Phy, hon, you okay?

ME

Mm-hmm.

I’m spectacularly unconvincing. I feel the prickle of tears again and even though I’m grateful she always notices when something’s wrong, I head for my room.

MOM

Sit down for a minute. Can I tell you a secret?

I turn back and flop down at the kitchen table. Mom comes over and scoots a chair in beside me.

MOM

Before I was your mother, I was a teenager.

I smile for the first time today.

ME

Ha-ha!

MOM

Strange but true. When things went wrong, it felt like the world would end. But it never did. Now, I can’t even remember what those things were. It doesn’t make whatever this is less upsetting, but trust me that someday you’ll have a new perspective. It’s only as important as you let it be.

She smiles and I love her for trying.

There was this guy I liked in school. He asked me to the dance, and I was thrilled—spent hours picturing every moment. That night, he kissed my best friend, Sophie Vargas. She was gorgeous but already had a date and it seems he just needed an in.

ME

Oh, Mom!

She nods and all of a sudden I can see her at my age.

I thought you said you couldn’t remember any of those things!

MOM

So, there are some you never forget. But I survived, didn’t I?

As she gets up, I realize that she helped me think about something else for thirty seconds. And yet I’m quite sure that this is one I’ll never forget.

THE NEXT DAY. (THREE HOURS OF SLEEP LATER.)

We pass Mia’s room first thing. I have an overwhelming desire to see her. Her door is open a crack and there is a sliver of sun across the hallway. There are voices. Two, and I’d know hers anywhere. Thank God she’s here today. I press my face to the crack to see what’s happening. Mia is standing behind her desk. The second voice is the department head. Footsteps come toward me, bringing her imposing shadow closer, and the door pushes shut. The sun’s gone. Mia is in trouble and it’s my fault.

SCHOOL SWIMMING POOL. FIRST BREAK.

If yesterday felt slow, this morning seemed to stop. Finally, I’m here waiting for a rehearsal with Mia. I’m terrified that she won’t show up or that she’ll be somehow changed.

Relief courses through my body as I see her round the corner. From here she has her usual serene expression, so not everything can be different. She smiles as she reaches me and, despite everything, I feel the same as always when I look at her.

POOLSIDE. SOON AFTER.

In my bathing suit, clutching my towel around me, I’m staring into the still, green-blue water, semi-naked in front of the one person who has turned my world upside down—not feeling remotely vulnerable or anything! I kneel down to feel the water and gaze at the rippling shape of my reflection. Mia appears beside me. We still haven’t really spoken, I can’t find the courage. I slip into the deep end of the pool and cling to the side. When I look up at her, this, for some reason, strikes me as the last moment I can bear to leave everything unsaid.

ME

Did you see it?

MIA

See what?

I feel so small beneath her. She kneels at the side of the pool in front of me.

ME

The picture!

MIA

Yes, I saw that.

Her tone is still calm.

But Phy—

She holds on to my forearms, looking into my troubled eyes.

Try not to care so much what people think.

Not care? Ha! I blink.

ME

And you’re not in trouble?

MIA

Why would I be in trouble?

This makes sense to me now. I struggle to make sense of the rest of my jumbled thoughts.

ME

When you weren’t here yesterday …

MIA

Oh … I had an interview … I’ve got a new full-time teaching position for next semester.

She is clearly minimizing her excitement for my sake. I swallow.

ME

That’s great.

For a moment everything seems so normal, except for me. I feel like I’ve been spinning out of control all by myself. I press my face against my arm and take a breath.

MIA

Ready?

Pushing away from the wall, I nod and sink into the water. Opening my eyes and looking up at the surface, I see Mia’s outline, kneeling at the side and shimmering. I sink deeper, feeling the pressure increase and wondering how I possibly got to this point. I swim away along the bottom of the pool and back. My lungs are bursting but I would stay down here forever if I could. After another