Between You & Me - By Marisa Calin Page 0,29
head, holding the book to my chest, overcome with pleasure at this moment in my life and happy that you’re here with me.
ME
This play is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
You nod.
YOU
I’m glad you like it so much.
I’m already formulating in my head the first words that Lily would have put down on paper in 1950 as you return to your desk.
THEATER. AFTER SCHOOL. THE NEXT DAY.
At the end of rehearsal, I snatch up the first chance I’ve had to thank Mia for the journal. There was no time to mention it at the beginning with everyone here, so I coolly approach, with more familiarity than I usually have the courage for.
ME
Hey.
Holding the journal, I press my hand to its cover.
I’ve been writing as Lily in my journal, and I can’t tell you how helpful it’s been.
MIA
Oh, that’s a great idea! I try to encourage it. I’m so glad it’s something that you thought would work for you. And I’m always pleased to see initiative. Let me know how it goes.
I assure her I will and, replaying her words, tuck the book back into my bag as I walk out of the room. Great idea. I swallow, with a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. Great idea. She was full of warmth, sincerity, and not the slightest twinkle of recognition. Pushing thoughts from my head, I check the time and, turning down the hall, go straight to where I know you will be.
SCHOOL GYM. MINUTES LATER.
Basketball seems to have just finished as I get to the gym. I haven’t even reached the doors when you and Cara push through toward me. I smile quickly at Cara, then take hold of your wrist and pull you to the side so we’re not swallowed in a stream of traffic.
ME
Mia didn’t give me the journal.
YOU
I know.
Just hearing the way you say it makes me feel sick. The framework that holds me together turns to jelly as I take a swing at your arm, and my voice comes out as a whine I don’t recognize.
ME
Why didn’t you tell me it was from you?
YOU
Because you seemed so much happier when you thought it was from her.
I fall a little farther. The matter-of-fact way you say it only makes it worse.
ME
No! I would have loved it just as much if I’d thought it was from you.
My voice comes out in a fraught tangle as I try to believe that’s the truth. You’re taken aback by the strength of my emotion.
YOU
Okay, okay, I know. You still would have liked it. It’s all right.
I take a breath and try to pull it together.
ME
I wish you’d said something.
YOU
I didn’t want to make you feel …
ME
… Stupid!
I almost lose it again. When someone tries to save you from your own stupidity it only proves that they think you are. Letting the rest of my air escape, I put my face in my hands. Slowly, I feel your arm around me, which makes no sense. How can you be so forgiving when I make these kinds of mistakes?
ME
Sorry, I just feel like an idiot.
Reluctantly, I think back. There was nothing to suggest that it was from Mia. Nothing at all. That’s just what I let myself believe, for no reason. And I was so convinced! With a deeper pang of embarrassment I remember how you came toward me, probably because you expected the thanks that you deserved. You squeeze my shoulder gently.
YOU
Hey, Phy. Not everyone is staring yet. You wanna try and bag the last two?
I almost smile as you gesture toward the only faces not looking this way. We turn toward the courtyard and, with my eyes still on the ground, I let out my best strangled wail.
ME
Did I get ’em?
YOU
You got ’em!
Side by side, we start walking, and despite your efforts my thoughts return to the journal.
ME
I love it anyway—
I repeat it twice more, and you nod as convincingly as you can as we head to the gate.
HALLWAY. MORNING BREAK. THE NEXT WEEK.
I’m ambling slowly to class, past the theater notice board. There’s a voice behind me. I spin around to see Tony coming toward me. I haven’t seen him with Elle recently—I think their love lasted all of two weeks! The customary:
TONY
Hey!
ME
Hey!
TONY
So, I hear you’re doing the play.
ME
Yep.
TONY
I was going to try out but it clashed with football.
Ryan, barreling down the hallway toward us, interrupts the moment as always.
RYAN
Hey, Tony. You’re persistent!
Tony blushes and Ryan thumps him on the back.
Sorry, man. Didn’t mean to