Between the Lives - By Jessica Shirvington Page 0,67

girlfriend?’ I asked at one point.

I saw his smirk from the corner of my eye. ‘She wasn’t for me.’

‘So you have a type then?’ I asked, teasing despite my racing he art.

He tilted his head towards me, amusement playing in his eyes. ‘No, I’ve always been more interested in finding a one of-a-kind.’

I bit back a smile, but he still caught it, and I heard his soft chuckle.

We stared up at the sky, talking every now and then. Ethan asked questions, but didn’t bombard me or push his views or judgments on me … too much. For the first time in my life – either of them – I felt like I could talk about my lives honestly. And each time I touched his wrist he raised his arm to show me the time, as if we’d always done this.

I tried to keep my cool, but a few minutes before midnight I couldn’t hold back the trembling. Ethan didn’t say anything, he just reached over and took my hand in his. And as I Shifted, I found myself hoping he might never let go.

For the next few days I did everything Ethan asked, sneaking off during my lunch breaks in Wellesley to find the answers to his questions on the internet. I even managed to find a semi-reliable translation program for the languages. I went back and forth between my worlds, maintaining appearances in Wellesley and giving Ethan all the evidence he’d requested.

Each time I Shifted back to Roxbury, he was there, holding my hand, anchoring me. Each time he watched me intently, looking for something. I don’t know what. The night after the park, we went to a late-night café, but I’d suggested we go back to the gardens the following night. He seemed happiest there.

Ethan asked me lots of questions. Some I could answer and some I couldn’t, and for some … there wasn’t an answer he wanted to hear. He just couldn’t accept that I didn’t believe there was a way to live in both worlds happily.

We were lying under our weeping willow on Friday night and I’d just Shifted back from Wellesley and recited my answers – once again, all flawless – when I finally snapped.

‘What would you have me do, Ethan? What’s supposed to happen if I get married one day? Have kids! Am I supposed to do that in both worlds? Leave my children behind every day and go to a new family? Never tell anyone who I really am? Love two different people?’

Ethan rolled onto his side and looked into my eyes, gently wiping away the tear sliding down my cheek.

‘I don’t know. No. Probably not. If you love one person, you love them fully, or there’s no point. Then again …’ he trailed off.

‘Then again, what?’ I sniped.

‘You’re the one who seems to think the only way forward with someone you can’t kiss for longer than ten seconds is to, how did you put it, make plans.’

I shook my head at him, but couldn’t manage a response. Why did he care so much anyway?

‘Maybe you could find the same person in both worlds,’ he suggested, but he seemed to be sharing in my sadness now.

‘It’s unlikely, Ethan. And anyway, even if I did there’s no guarantee they would be the same or … argh!’ It was impossible to explain.

He bit his lip, thinking, and I couldn’t help staring while it slowly slipped out from under his teeth.

‘Sabine, have you ever seen me there?’ he asked hesitantly.

‘No.’

‘Didn’t think so.’

‘Why do you say that?’

He shrugged, still looking at me closely. ‘I think I’d know if I’d met you before. I mean on some level, even if I didn’t remember exactly, part of me, I guess my soul, would know deep down.’

‘Maybe.’ But I wasn’t sure I agreed with that. I’d seen people in both worlds before, like fruit shop guy – people who would surely recognise me if they knew on ‘some level’.

‘You are pretty annoying. That kind of sticks with someone,’ he said with a smirk.

‘Then I definitely haven’t met you in my other life.’

He laughed before settling back down beside me, both of us watching the willow branches sway in the pre-dawn breeze.

‘Sabine?’ he said softly.

‘Hmm.’

‘The choice you’ve been considering … Have you made up your mind?’

The question threw me. I’d thought I had. But saying so to Ethan felt wrong. I couldn’t explain to him how this was my one chance to have the life I’d always wanted. This could be