The Better Side of Me - Jerry Cole Page 0,78
into the small manager’s room first, and Lance followed. There had been a time, a fraction of a period, where Lance had looked upon that tiny room with admiration and fondness for what it represented. Now it looked like a prison.
Once inside, Kirk was quick to close the door, and then even quicker to take a hurried step back across the room so as to be as physically far from Lance as he was able.
Also, and most notably, not once did he look at Lance. Lance hadn’t really noticed at first, too busy trying to keep himself cool. But now that it was just them in this small room, it was impossible to ignore. Kirk was doing everything he could to not so much as glance at Lance.
He was going to break up with him. He knew it.
“Kirk, I—”
“Please.” Kirk continued to stare at the ground, but his voice was like the crack of a whip. “I have two things I need to say and... and I would prefer if you would just let me say them.” He paused, shuffled on the spot.
“All right,” Lance agreed. “Whatever you need.” God, he just wanted to reach out and take his hand! To touch him! To do anything!
“There’s no point in repeating anything you already know. You hurt me, Lance. You hurt me more than I ever thought—”
“I’m sorry!” Lance blurted before he could stop himself.
Kirk still didn’t look up. He stared at the floor, face tight, waiting for Lance to quiet down. When he did, Kirk continued. “The first thing I need to say is this. I’ve settled your debt with Alexander Ivanov—”
“What?” Lance blurted again.
“It’s paid in full and you no longer have to worry about dealing with him,” Kirk powered on as if Lance hadn’t spoken. “All that means now is that you owe me the money. And you will pay me back too. You have to know that—”
“Of course, I will.”
“Please!” Kirk snapped. He was still looking down at Lance’s feet, but Lance got the sense that was on purpose, almost like it was a constant struggling to not look up and meet his eyes. “I will work out a basic payment plan, one I know you can afford. And over time, you will pay me back. I’ll get the details for that to you in the next few days.”
Kirk paused, as if expecting Lance to say something. And Lance almost did too, but he stopped himself. In a way, this was almost a blessing. Yes, he was mortified over what Kirk had done... but it had also saved him. As terrible as that sounded. Furthermore, it tied him to Kirk for at least a little while longer. That had to mean something.
That moment of silence was laced with tension. Lance could feel it, filling the room like a cloud, smothering the two in full. The gravity of what Lance had done could not be ignored, and it sat between the two men like an elephant.
“And second,” Kirk continued. “I... we...” A deep breath, and for the first time, Kirk looked up and directly at Lance. And when he did, Lance wanted to cry. He’d never seen someone look so down, so beat-up, so broken. And it was all his fault. “I think it’s best if we end our relationship.”
This time, Lance didn’t even try and stop himself. “No,” he blurted. “I mean... no. What? Why? I don’t... I still... you’re not serious?” He knew it was coming but hadn’t really expected it.
“I don’t have to tell you why.” Kirk was still looking straight at Lance. His chin quivered, his eyes watered and his nostrils flared. “And I don’t owe you an excuse or... or forgiveness or... or... you took advantage of me. You used me. You stole from me—”
“I didn’t—”
“You as good as did!”
Lance’s head spun. He had to say something. To argue his point. To try and make Kirk see that it wasn’t as bad as... that he hadn’t meant to hurt... that he still loved him! If Lance could just tell him that! But instead his mouth opened and closed like a fish.
Kirk continued. “What you did, Lance... it’s unforgivable. It just is. But worse than that, it proved to me what I always... what I knew you really thought of me.” He waited, his red eyes boring into Lance’s soul like a drill. “You think you’re better than I am. Worth more. You think that you can do better and I should be so