he was found somewhere other than at her place. Sheila breathed a sigh of relief, but she couldn’t shake the coldness that ran through her body. The news made her shiver.
53
October 14, 2008
Hell’s gate has burst wide open. I don’t know if my scribble can articulate the week’s events in as colorful a prose as it played out. My worst fears have been realized, but I feel that I may be responsible.
I don’t even know where to begin. My mind is knotted up in so many places that even as I write, my thinking isn’t clear. The one thing I can safely jot down is that my daughter, Afrika, will be all right, although we’re not sure if her paralysis is temporary or permanent.
My loving and adoring husband came home from Germany to be with me during Afrika’s illness. I believe Iraq and Afghanistan have twisted his mind. While Raphael will stop at nothing to take care of his family and keep us safe, his irrational behavior has been upsetting. He’s like a lie detector analyzing pulses scoring those things in the negative that are questionable to him because they don’t sit right in his mind’s eye.
Poor John was dissected from head to toe when he came to visit Afrika at the hospital. Instead of Raf taking John’s visit as it was, Raf acted as if I was trying to hide something from him…that I might have been attempting to renew a relationship with John.
Let me hold that thought a moment and think about what I just wrote. I may be the one writing more into this and may be blaming my husband falsely. Because truth be told, I was probably using John as a crutch, and yes, it was good to have someone near to help me go through this ordeal with Victor, even if he was an old flame that stirred up some emotions and caused an inner turmoil. But if the tables were turned, I don’t think I’d be too receptive of an old flame of Raphael’s coming into my daughter’s hospital room.
Confusion, that’s what this is. This Victor crap…this secret that has been so destructive. I can’t believe I went and blurted it out to Brenda. I didn’t do it to hurt her; she had to know because Victor has been ruthless in his efforts to get rid of Afrika and me. My baby was almost killed, but by the grace of God, she’s still alive. But all of these events have made one confession after another burst at the seams. Lord, I didn’t want Raphael to find out that he wasn’t Afrika’s biological father the way he did. Of course, if I could have kept the secret forever, I would have taken it to my grave.
I guess Brenda owed me…blurted the truth for all of God’s children to hear, crashing down on the ears of the innocent who are now broken and hurt. Damn. Now Raf hates me, hates Victor and what my deception has caused him, although he hasn’t come out and said it to my face. Instead he’s acting out because his heart has been bruised, betrayed. But I know that man still loves me because he wouldn’t have taken my car and went looking for Victor half-cocked. He’s a warrior, Army All You Can Be, a take-no-prisoners kind of man. And I believe Victor would have been a dead man if Raf had found him.
However, the truth is Victor snared him first. I have to give it to Victor. His survival skills almost measure up to Raf’s. But I hope the police find that sorry-ass gutless wonder soon and get him off the street so he can’t cause any more pain. He could have killed my husband tonight.
Thank God Raf got away from Victor. I had to call on faithful John to help me get my husband out of harm’s way. I love them both—John, who will always be dear to my heart because he was the first man that I thought that I could absolutely marry, and Raphael, the man I love unconditionally and will go the ends of the earth for…my absolute soul mate.
I’m going to close now. I think I hear Raf moving around upstairs. It’s eight-thirty in the morning. I couldn’t sleep. I’ve been up since six, pondering the mess that I’m in. Didn’t even go back to the hospital last night because we were a mess after picking up Raf from that woman’s house in the middle