almost catatonic state. I was awake, but could only repeat the vow I’d taken when I became a 411 Hider.
Tanner was outraged.
Jonah was concerned, taking my vitals and watching me as if I were his patient, and Kai was quiet. At first.
Then there’d been yelling, fighting, and Jonah had shouted at both of them to get out of my room.
“What time is it?” My throat burned, as if I’d been in the desert for thirty-six hours. I could only croak, that was it.
Jonah’s head whipped up from his watch. “Holy shit.” He let go of my pulse, immediately feeling my forehead with the back of his palm. “Riley? You’re back?”
I nodded, and the movement made me want to vomit. I had a lot of that going on lately. “Yeah. It’s me. I’m back.”
“You scared us, and it’s almost seven in the morning. I’ve been monitoring you all night.”
I was grateful he didn’t interrogate me then and there. He did a full assessment, checking my breathing, pulse, blood pressure. He checked my reflexes. He even pinched my skin for hydration. At the end of it, he stepped back, his stethoscope around his neck. His hands found his hips, and he frowned. “You’re fine.”
My head felt like it was splitting open. I rubbed at it, grimacing. “Could do with a painkiller for this up here, but yeah, I’m fine otherwise.” I couldn’t say the same for my mental status.
Even I was scared about what had happened to me.
I’d heard about operatives breaking down in the field, but it’d never happened to me. And I wasn’t even sure if that was the same thing. Either way, it didn’t sit right with me. I needed to be mentally strong at all times, not breaking and letting a stranger emerge in my place. Fucking weird, that’s what it was.
“I need to go to the bathroom.”
“Of course.”
He waited to make sure I was steady on my feet. I wavered a bit as I stood, but my balance kicked in as I walked for the bathroom. I heard him gathering his bag and supplies, then the door clicking shut softly behind him a moment later.
I sagged against the door.
I did have to go to the bathroom, but I needed a moment to collect myself.
Holy. Shit.
I’d scared myself.
What happened? Was that normal? Was that going to happen again?
I didn’t want to think about it, but it was pressing on me.
My hands began to shake again, and I ran them down my legs, taking deep, calming breaths to ease out the trembling. It didn’t work, but fuck it—I never wanted to be like that again. Ever.
I was finishing up in the bathroom, washing my hands, when the main door opened again.
My bathroom door shoved open and Kai stood there, glowering at me.
“Are you okay?”
He didn’t wait. He took two steps in, his hands slid into my hair, and he cupped my head. He stood close, intimately close, his eyes peering down at me. Searching. Questioning. As if my mental whatever-it-was had betrayed him.
“Are you okay?” he asked again, still gruff, but quieter. His chest rose up, jerking, and it held a second before lowering.
He wasn’t mad at me. I felt it then. He was scared for me.
That realization opened a floodgate inside of me. I crumbled before I knew it, and I closed my eyes, tears slipping down my face as I leaned into his chest.
“No.” I sobbed.
He cursed and lifted me in the air. He cradled me against his chest, walking back out to the bedroom. Sitting on the edge of my bed, he held me as if I were a child, pressed my head to his chest, and tightened his hold on me.
I tried not to completely collapse. But I did.
Kai was the enemy, or I’d thought he was. Now I didn’t know.
I didn’t know what was going on with me.
I didn’t know if I should’ve helped Brooke as much as I had.
I didn’t know anything, and I really didn’t know why I just wanted to curl up in his arms and never leave again.
“No.” I pulled back.
I could never go there, do that. Ever.
He didn’t respond, but he did let me go and stand up. His hand ran through his hair, and he tipped his head up and turned slightly to face away from me.
“What happened to you?” he asked.
I answered him truthfully. “I broke. You broke me.”