to go too dressy, but I heard what he was telling me without saying the words. Tanner and Jonah would be dressed up. Everything they wore screamed money. So maybe it was them in the back of my mind, maybe it was Kai, or maybe it was the hope that maybe I could talk Kai into letting Blade go, or maybe there was a part of me that didn’t want to feel like the outcast. Whatever the reason, I chose an elegant black pantsuit. The middle plunged down all the way to my stomach, but sheer lace covered the midsection.
I stepped back, looking in the mirror, and again, I didn’t recognize myself.
I was a far cry from the Hider operative who dressed in scrubs, workout clothes, or whatever set of clothes my “cover” had me wearing.
Blade, Carol, and I had dinner out once or twice a month, but nothing fancy.
When I left my father, I’d left that world behind.
This would’ve been me if I had stayed, if I had lived.
If.
That was a big word there.
I’d been happy with Blade and Carol, but being here, coming back to this world, a small what-if had started to take root in me. It wasn’t the what-if of Brooke staying at school, or of somehow growing up with the Bennett family. It was what-if my father had been a different man, if my mother hadn’t been abused by him, if I hadn’t been scared of living in my own home—that what-if. What would life have been like if I’d had a normal family?
Not even wealthy.
If we’d had a meal at a restaurant? If there’d been no factories or business conglomerates, no privileged schooling, just a father, a mother, and a child? A home with three bedrooms instead of three wings? Or one bathroom instead of one entire servant quarters?
What would that life have been like?
I sighed, fixing my hair back into a high bun, and I even put on makeup. All those thoughts were useless. That wasn’t the card I was dealt growing up, and in the end, I was alive. I had a mission, an important mission to focus my life, and that was good.
I was good.
I slipped my feet into a pair of sandals, but I felt naked walking out of that room without a sweater, runners to run, or any type of covering I might need if I had to make a break for my life.
No matter the thoughts swirling in my head, that part of me would never be gone. But for the first time ever, I began to wonder if that’s what I wanted for the rest of my life.
The guards trailed behind me as I left my wing.
I wasn’t sure where I was going, but I walked in the general direction of the main part of the house. The hallway wound around, coming to a second-floor landing, and I crossed to the stairs. I could hear the sounds of cooking in the kitchen, which was behind the stairs. The layout was similar to their other house, and I walked in feeling a little more at ease.
Until I saw Kai.
He stood in the shadows at the window, a glass of bourbon in his hands, and his profile took my breath away.
Moonlight lit the entire bay, and lights from boats and homes beneath him put a soft glow over his face. I faltered mid-step.
The attraction burst inside me, heating me, making me ache, and I clamped my mouth shut in reaction.
I hadn’t asked for these feelings. They disgusted me on the regular, but he’d been gone for three days, and it was all hitting me full force now.
But Blade. I couldn’t forget Blade.
I couldn’t forget myself. My situation.
I was here against my wishes, but as Kai turned to look at me, a dangerous new what-if edged its way in alongside the others.
My hand shook, and I tucked it behind me, meeting his gaze across the room.
His eyes warmed, a softness shining there, and he nodded. “You look beautiful, Riley.”
So did he.
I smiled and ducked my head. “Thank you.” A wave of nerves hit me again, and I had to stop and breathe to calm myself. It didn’t work. I was even more nervous.
“Would you like a drink?”
“Please.” I raised my head.
He turned his back to me as he poured a glass of wine.
I was glad for the small favor and smoothed a hand down my front. Sometimes that helped. It didn’t tonight. I began to think nothing would take the