away, turning to his window. “There’s not been a good meeting with him since.”
That lump in my throat was back. Growing.
I pressed my hands together, sliding them between my legs to still the shaking. “You still do business with him?”
“He’s a means to an end. That is all.” Kai looked back, his gaze piercing through me. “Would you like me to stop working with him? If I do, he will go out of business. He will lose all his companies. Your cousin will leave him, if he hasn’t killed her by then. He will suffer.”
The way he said that, I could tell it wasn’t a new idea to him.
My lips parted. “That’s what you were going to do to him? I thought you said you’d kill him.”
He didn’t even blink. “I could do that easily. He would get angry, curse us, proclaim he doesn’t need us. He would be lying, though, and he would soon learn he needs us. He would come back to us, at some point. He would beg even. You could be there. You could walk out and shoot him, if you’d like.”
God.
He offered murder like he was offering me coffee.
I shook my head, my stomach twisting. “I don’t yearn to kill him.”
There was silence.
A full minute.
And then he said, “You’re a liar like your father.”
“I am not!” I hissed. “I am nothing like him.”
He quirked an eyebrow, undisturbed. “You want to kill your father. Admit that, at least to yourself. Just like you want to kill me, half the time.”
I closed my eyes. I wasn’t going to take that bait. He knew I was conflicted. He was too. So maybe because of that, I confessed.
“I daydream about revealing myself to him. I want to see the look on his face when he recognizes me, when I tell him my mother and I are both alive and he failed.”
“And then you want to shoot him?” I could hear his smile. “Or use a knife as you tried with me?”
Could I slice my father? Push a knife deep in his throat, or chest?
I envisioned the tearing of his skin, his tendons, and how I would embed that knife in his muscle. How he would spasm, his mouth gaping at me. He would grab for the knife, but he’d only hold it. If he pulled it out, blood would explode from him. There’d be a certain look in his eyes when he realized he was going to die, and at my hand. Blood would trickle from the wound, coating his hands, his chest, then run down his pants to pool at his feet.
It would be warm blood. I would probably be sprayed with it.
A sick feeling took root in me, and I knew Kai was wrong.
I shook my head again. “No, I don’t want to kill him. I just want him to know he failed and never to be able to hurt us again.”
“You’d like him ruined then?”
The hairs on the back of my neck stood up, and I shifted my head to him.
“Why do I get the feeling you’ll do just that if I say yes right now?” I murmured.
His eyes narrowed, but the lines around his mouth softened. “Maybe I’m looking for an excuse to get rid of Bruce Bello? Maybe helping out my sister’s friend is good enough.”
I scoffed, trying not to feel affected by his words. “Then who’ll transport your drugs for you?”
“We aren’t in the drug business anymore.”
Oh. My shoulders relaxed.
“We transport guns now.”
Oh! My shoulders slumped.
“But to answer your original question, your father is worse than he was when you were a child. He’s more vain. He’s weak. He’s greedy. He’s more violent. He barely remembers to show empathy or consideration even to keep up appearances, and he needs to die. Whether at my hand or yours, that’s up for debate.” Kai spoke succinctly, as if he were at a business meeting.
He turned and pressed a button on his door. “Let’s take C route and pull off at the next gas station. Miss Bello needs the bathroom.”
He released the button, opening his laptop once more.
“How did you know?”
He didn’t spare me a look. “You’ve been shifting in your seat for the last thirty minutes, and glancing at the coffee with both yearning and regret for the last ten.” He lifted his gaze to me. “You’re not as hard to read as you hoped you would be. It’s a quality you might want to work on if you continue as a 411 Network operative