because it’s true. You are my goodness. My redemption. My lifeline. Jesus, you woke something good in me that I never knew was there, and I realized every time I held you that I was destroying you. Little by little. The more goodness you gave to me, the more darkness I gave back. I was changing you. I have changed you, and now this.”
His hand jerked, but then began rubbing in a slow circle. “I knew you wanted out. I knew about the houses, but I didn’t realize you were intending to disappear until the Network called.”
I tensed. “What?”
My chest squeezed again. If the Network called him, then…
“Your friends tried to leave. They caught ’em and alerted me. Jonah was already down here for another matter, so I sent him to stop you. He tried to tell you I was coming back, that I had things to tell you, but he said some homeless guys started fighting right next to you, and you got pushed.”
He stopped for a moment, then spoke again in a raspy voice. “I was on the plane when he called and said you were in the hospital. The doctor told me about the baby, and holy fuck, Riley.” His hand paused, trembling again. “Holy fuck, Riles. If I had lost you and the baby? Both of you?”
Every word tore at my soul.
The baby. He or she—I never found out which one.
The baby was gone.
I sobbed again; I couldn’t stop. Kai lifted me and cradled me in his arms.
A part of me wanted to resist him. He had hurt me so much, but feeling his tears on my skin, I gave in. I didn’t have the strength to pull away. I just folded, pressed my head into his chest and cried.
He wrapped his arms around me, moving to rest against the headboard. He held me as if I were our lost child.
• • •
Eventually I cried myself out.
The nurse found us and went for the doctor. After a moment he came in, casting Kai a wary look as he moved to look out the window. His head bent, his hands in his pockets, he might’ve looked like he wasn’t listening, but I knew he was. He took in every question the doctor asked me, every vital they checked. All of it.
A car had hit my hip, not enough to crush me, but it sent my body flying in the air. As I landed, my stomach had hit another car parked along the street, which cushioned my fall, and then my head hit the side panel as I slid to a heap beside it.
I had bruises everywhere, a concussion. The impact with the second car had caused me to miscarry. They’d been concerned about internal bleeding, but after surgery, everything was patched up. Except the baby. Except the reason I had tried to leave everything behind.
That was the real reason behind getting out of my father’s business holdings, the reason I wanted to sell all the homes. The baby was why I needed to disappear.
Because my child would’ve grown up as a Bennett. He or she would’ve lived in the Bennett shadows, and I didn’t want that. It was the reason Kai had tried to let me go, and it was why I’d been trying to vanish.
I’d been close, but no. Thinking about it, I’d been sloppy.
If I’d truly wanted to disappear, I would’ve packed a bag, taken as much cash as possible, and left in the middle of the night. I knew how to leave, but instead, I’d been leaving a trail as wide as the ocean for Kai to find me.
Had I even wanted to go? Or had I wanted him to come for me?
I hurt from so much thinking. Hell. It hurt just to breathe.
My child. I ached at the loss.
Hearing another choking sob slip out, Kai turned from the window.
“Doctor, can we have a moment.”
It was no request. It was a command, and I heard one of the nurses sigh before footsteps shuffled over the floor, and the door closed behind them all.
“Riley,” Kai whispered.
I shrank back against the bed, shaking my head.
He ignored me, sliding his arms under the covers and lifting me, blankets and all, into his lap. He cradled me again, holding me through the night.
• • •
“The first moment I knew I loved you was when I saw you fighting against my guards and Tanner—that first day I told them to kidnap you.”