A Bend in the Road - By Nicholas Sparks Page 0,115
of nightmares in the last few days. How’s he doing in school?”
“So far, he’s fine. In the last couple of days, I haven’t noticed anything unusual.”
“That’s good.”
Sarah ran a hand through her hair. “Can I ask you a question? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”
Miles turned. “Why did I let Brian go?”
She nodded.
It took a long time to answer. “I saw the dog.”
She turned toward him in surprise.
“A big black dog, just like Brian said. He was running around in a yard a couple of houses up from where the accident happened.”
“You just drove by and happened to see him?”
“No, not exactly. I went looking for him.”
“To find out if Brian was telling the truth?”
He shook his head. “No, not really. I pretty much knew that he was telling the truth by then. But I had this crazy notion in my head that I just couldn’t get rid of.”
“What notion?”
“Like I said, it was crazy.”
She looked at him curiously, waiting.
“When I got home that day—when Brian told me, I mean—I just got to thinking that I had to do something. Someone had to pay for what happened, but I just didn’t know who until it hit me. So I got my father’s gun, and the next night, I went out to look for the damn dog.”
“You were going to shoot the dog?”
He shrugged. “I wasn’t sure I’d even get the chance, but as soon as I pulled up, there he was. He was chasing a squirrel through the yard.”
“So you did it?”
“No. I got close enough to do it, but when I got him in my sights, I got to thinking how insane it was. I mean, I was out hunting somebody’s pet. Only someone seriously deranged would do that. So I turned around and got in my car. I let him go.”
She smiled. “Like Brian.”
“Yeah,” he said. “Like Brian.”
She reached for his hand, and after a moment, he let her take it. “I’m glad,” she said.
“I’m not. Part of me wishes that I would have. At least then I’d know that I’d done something.”
“You did do something.”
Miles squeezed her hand before letting go. “I did it for me, too. And for Jonah. It was time to let it go. I’d already lost two years of my life, and I couldn’t see the point in prolonging it anymore. Once I realized that...I don’t know ... it just seemed like it was the only thing I could do. No matter what happened to Brian, Missy wasn’t coming back.”
He brought his hands to his face and rubbed his eyes, and neither one of them said anything for a while. The stars were out in full glory above them, and Miles found his eyes traveling to Polaris, the North Star.
“I’m going to need some time,” he said softly.
She nodded, knowing he was talking about them, now. “I know.”
“I can’t tell you how long it’ll be, either.”
Sarah glanced toward him. “Do you want me to wait?”
It took a long moment for him to answer.
“I can’t make any promises, Sarah. About us, I mean. It’s not that I don’t love you anymore, because I do. I’ve spent the last couple of days agonizing over that fact. You’re the best thing that’s happened to me since Missy died. Hell, you’re the only good thing that happened. For Jonah, too. He asked why you haven’t been over lately, and I know he misses you. But no matter how much I want that to go on, part of me just can’t imagine it. It’s not as if I can forget what happened. And you’re his sister.”
Sarah’s lips tightened. She said nothing.
“I don’t know if I can live with that, even though you had nothing to do with it, because being with you means that in a way, I have to be with him, too. He’s your family and...I’m not ready for that. I wouldn’t be able to handle that. And I don’t know whether I’ll ever be ready.”
“We could move away,” she suggested. “We could try to start over.”
He shook his head. “No matter how far I go, this will follow. You know that....”
He trailed off, then looked at her. “I don’t know what to do.”
She smiled sadly. “Neither do I,” she admitted.
“I’m sorry.”
“So am I.”
After a moment, Miles moved closer and put his arms around her. He kissed her gently, then held her for a long time, burying his face in her hair.