Because she'd meant it. She would keep him safe.
If he would let her.
Finally, he came forward and took her hand. And the incredible thing was, even after all of the amazing things he'd done to her body, his simply holding her hand was the most wonderful thing of all.
Together, they stood at the edge of the surf in perfect silence, holding hands. Janica worked to memorize every sensation. The slightly rough skin of his palm against hers. The smell of salt water and redwood trees. The sun fading behind wispy clouds.
How numb her feet were.
“I can't feel my toes anymore.”
She was glad to hear him chuckle. “Me either.”
Not letting go of his hand, she said, “Let's walk some circulation back into them.”
Perhaps if she'd been someone else, the perfectly sweet, biddable woman that Luke thought he belonged with, she would have simply been content to enjoy his company out on the sunset beach.
But since there wasn't a chance of that, she said, “Do you like being a doctor?”
His hand tightened on hers at his surprise at her question. “Of course I do.”
“What else do you like?”
Another tightening. “There isn't a lot of time for anything else.”
Okay, she could see she wasn't going to get very far with this line of questioning. Maybe another tack.
“Why did you become a doctor?”
“What is this? Twenty questions?”
“I just realized that even though we've known each other for so long, we don't know much about each other, do we?”
Except for how perfectly our bodies fit together.
“No,” he said slowly, “I don't suppose we do.”
But when he didn't answer her previous question, she said, “Was it because of your mom?”
He tried to pull his hand away. But she refused to let him get away that easily. Just as she'd refused to let him say what they were doing could never be more than sex. Even if it was probably the truth when everything was said and done.
Because there was no denying that what went on in the middle of the night in her apartment, what happened between them in the cocoon of a cabin in Big Sur, had absolutely nothing to do with the real world.
But just because it was fact, didn't mean she had to like it.
And it didn't mean she wasn't going to fight it with everything she had.
“When we were back in the cabin, you told me you wanted to listen. I want to do the same for you.” When he remained silent, she said, “I never really knew my parents. But you were ten years old when your mom—”
“Dammit, Janica, I don't want to talk about it.”
He wrenched his hand out of hers and turned away to head back toward the cabin.
Her heart broke for him, for all the pain he'd kept bottled up inside for so long. And even though she knew she should let him go, leave him alone like he wanted, she simply couldn't walk away from him.
Calling out to him over the waves, she said, “I only have one more question, Luke, and then I promise I'll go.”
Thank God, he stopped, turned back to her, his face carved in granite.