Unlocking her door, she saw that her roommate wasn’t around, but there were several girls at the end of the hall who were clearly getting ready to go out. Serena made herself smile through her nerves as she headed over to them.
“Hi,” she said as the girls turned toward her. She started to give an awkward little wave before pulling her hand back a moment too late for them not to see. “Are you guys going to a party on campus tonight?”
Jen, a pretty blonde, nodded. “Delta Tau Delta.”
When Jen didn’t say anything more, and neither did Larissa or Holly as they focused on pouring each other tequila shots, every cell in Serena’s body screamed at her to go back to her room for another quiet night of studying before she made a complete fool of herself.
No. She needed to go for it, not hide out someplace safe like she had for the past two weeks she’d been at school.
“I’d love to join you guys, if that would be okay?”
Jen made a sad face. “Actually, the three of us are already late. We are just about to head out the door.” She looked pointedly at Serena’s clothes before adding, “And you’ll probably need a while to get ready. So maybe we’ll see you there.”
Serena had momentarily forgotten about the baggy jeans, sweatshirt, and baseball cap she was wearing. Her disguise, as she liked to think of it, to throw off any photographers who might be lurking around wanting to get a picture of her to sell to the gossip sites.
“Sure,” she said, in what she hoped was an easy voice that didn’t betray how lame she felt for asking them if she could tag along, only to have the answer be no. She tried not to let her smile slip either. “I’ll see you there.”
While the girls continued to drink and laugh as if they had all the time in the world before they needed to leave, Serena headed down the hall to the bathroom. At this time of night, the showers were blessedly empty. She hung up her towel on a hook in the tiled enclosure, then stood under the warm spray and tried to let it wash away her doubts about actually going to the party.
Soon it would be show time. Only, instead of playing the supermodel role she’d somehow managed to pull off for so many years, she’d be trying to act like she was a perfectly normal college student who knew how to have a good time at a frat party on a Friday night. In the wake of the rejection from the girls down the hall, she felt like she needed to pull it off now more than ever.
But even as she thought it, she knew tonight wasn’t about proving anything to those girls. It was about proving something to herself. That she could go to her first-ever campus party and have fun just like everyone else. That she could make good on her vow to make going to college work despite how badly her mother believed it would go for someone like Serena. And, even if it wasn’t always easy, that she would never let herself forget how magical it was just to be here, on a college campus full of so many new opportunities. Opportunities she simply needed to be brave enough to reach for.
Forty-five minutes later, however, when Serena got to the Delta Tau Delta house, her feet froze on the front steps as she stared wide-eyed at the party already in full swing. A rap song was cranked up so high her ears were already starting to ring. Students were dancing and making out and drinking in pretty much every corner of the big main room that she could see into, including Jen, Larissa, and Holly, who were hanging all over some frat boys, giggling at whatever it was they were saying.
It didn’t take long for people to start doing double takes in Serena’s direction, pointing and whispering as they recognized her, despite the fact that she’d pulled her hair back into a ponytail and wasn’t wearing any makeup. All thoughts of having fun, of throwing caution to the wind and really living her life, fell away as she silently asked herself how she could have chosen the short denim skirt and form-fitting white top to wear tonight. She felt totally exposed…
It’s okay, she told herself silently as she worked to come unfrozen, you can do this. Just get out there and start dancing like everyone else.
Thank God, that was when Abi spotted her. “Hey, roomie, I’m so glad you’re here!” A few seconds later, Abi was sliding her arm through Serena’s and pulling her onto the dance floor. “Ready to work it?”
No, she was definitely not ready to work it. But, thankfully, her roommate’s friendly smile and the funny antics of the DJ spinning the tunes helped Serena finally relax into the music. Closing her eyes a little while later as she lifted her arms and swayed her hips, she could almost pretend that she was just the same as any other freshman girl at this party.
Perfectly normal.
CHAPTER TWO
Sean Morrison refilled his red plastic cup from one of the kegs in the corner and downed half of it in one long swallow, even though beer wasn’t doing it for him tonight. He’d been drinking steadily for the past couple of hours and barely felt buzzed.
The frat kept the good stuff in a locked cabinet in the back of the dining room. Heading through the crowd, he found Kurt and Zane, two of his frat brothers and baseball teammates, making their way through a bottle of tequila. Kurt held out a full shot glass by way of greeting Sean.
“We were wondering when we were going to see your sorry ass in here.” Both guys were already drunk enough to be sprawled on two beat-up leather couches.
“If I knew you were waiting on me for a tea party,” Sean said as he took the glass from Kurt, “I would have at least worn a tie.”
Used to be, a couple of shots of tequila would make his throat burn and his eyes water. But lately, he’d been drinking so much that downing it in one gulp was no sweat. He didn’t bother to wait for the buzz to hit him before he refilled the glass, and a couple more shots in, he finally got to where he was trying to go.
Numb.
Totally numb.
For the past three months, everything inside his chest had felt raw. Splintered. Broken. Hell, he thought as he reached for the bottle and splashed more booze into the glass, it had been longer than that.
One year ago, his family had gotten the news that his mother, Lisa, had cancer. She’d been supposed to beat it, only forty-seven and in great shape. She’d always eaten right and worked out, and taught her kids to do the same.
But none of that had mattered. Not how healthy she was supposed to be. Not how hard she fought with medicine and meditation and positive thoughts. Not even the fact that she had six kids and a husband who all needed her to live.
Sean had missed his finals last year, had been at her bedside along with the rest of his family when she’d finally slipped completely away. They’d known for a few weeks that it was coming, as she drifted in and out of consciousness depending on how much pain she was in and how high they’d cranked up the medicine. But knowing it was coming hadn’t meant Sean had been able to prepare for it at all.