Behind the Red Door - Megan Collins Page 0,115

worried about almost everything, but I’ve never been worried about that.

I try to smile as Eric kisses me, but even in this moment of my husband’s uncensored joy, I can’t help but think of Ted. Or not Ted, exactly, but everything he’s taught me. How the world is full of monsters who pretend to be men. How love is both a right and a responsibility. And most importantly, this: I could never do to my child what my parents did to me. If nothing else, my list of anxiety triggers, my memories I’ll work with Dr. Lockwood to keep uncovering, will only help me protect my family from all that is unsafe.

But still. Still.

“I’m terrified,” I admit to Eric again.

He looks at me, his eyes shining. Then he nods, suddenly solemn. “Me too,” he says.

When he places his hand on my belly, we look down at it together. It’s still flat. Still unrecognizable as the stomach of a pregnant woman. But even now, as we gaze at where that baby will be, my body is making space for the life inside me.

We look back at each other, and at the same moment, we laugh. It feels so good after crying, after learning these things I can never unknow. But it feels timid, too. Like uncertainty. Like hope. And now, the laughter surges up and up until it overwhelms me. Until it feels everything and nothing like fear.

acknowledgments

First, I’d like to thank you, the reader. You have brought this story to life simply by investing your time in it. There are so many books in the world, and such limited hours in which to read them, so I am honored that you have taken a chance on mine. I hope you found it worth your time. I hope it made you feel something.

In a similar vein, I’d like to thank all the booksellers, librarians, bookstagrammers, bloggers, and others who work in service of connecting readers with books. Your passion and generosity provide so much joy to authors, and I hope you know that we see you as nothing less than a gift.

Thank you to Sharon Pelletier, my exceptional agent, who calmly handles all my publishing-related anxiety and has guided me into the career I’ve always dreamed of having. Her enthusiasm for this story, as well as her expert feedback and advice, was exactly the push I needed to believe in it myself.

I am beyond grateful to have had the opportunity to work with my superstar editor, Kaitlin Olson, on another book. She continually pushes me to dig deeper, write better, and deliver a more impactful and nuanced story. Thank you, as well, to the rest of the Atria team, especially Megan Rudloff and Isabel DaSilva.

I have been blown away by the support I’ve received from my former and current students, and I can’t articulate how much it means to me when they buy my books, attend my events, or help spread the word in any number of quiet or exuberant ways. For the past twelve years, I have had the immense privilege of working with young people who continually inspire and challenge me as both a writer and teacher. The opportunity to share this journey with them has been one of the most rewarding aspects of my career. Thank you, with all of my heart.

One of the best parts of being an author is making connections with other writers—and for those I’ve made within the DA19 group, I am eternally grateful. Over the past couple years, we’ve become a family of anxiety-ridden, roller-coaster-riding authors, and it’s been an honor to get to know these kind and generous people, read their excellent books, and celebrate their many successes. Special thanks to Andrea Bartz, Sarah Blake, Kate Hope Day, Julie Langsdorf, and Angie Kim.

Thank you, as always, to my friends and family, especially my parents, to whom this book is dedicated. With my first book, they transformed into a surprise PR team, talking the novel up to absolute strangers, passing out The Winter Sister business cards to waiters and waitresses, my dad’s customers, people they met on vacation, always with the same start to their pitch: “Do you like to read?” I have no doubt that they will lovingly badger unsuspecting people about this book as well, and for that I am very thankful and only slightly appalled.

Finally, thank you to my husband, Marc, who by turns acts as my reader, editor, event photographer, and cheerleader. But above all that, he is my best friend and a complete gem. He didn’t necessarily sign up for the emotional chaos that comes with being married to a published author, but he has handled it the way he handles everything—with kindness, a rational mind, and unparalleled humor.

Oh, and thank you to my golden retriever, Maisy, who tries very hard to be a supportive writing assistant but usually just sleeps on the job.

Behind the Red Door - Megan Collins Page 0,115

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