Been There Done That (Leffersbee #1) - Hope Ellis Page 0,75
about your publishing record and your previous grants. Everyone here at the med school and the hospital loves you. They can’t say enough for how much you’ve done. You singlehandedly turned around their Patient Experience office. What’s the issue? Federal grant funding nowadays is uncertain, because budgets are cut.”
“It’s a condition of my tenure.” She shook her head. “I had to have a very specific grant by now.”
“Or what?”
“What do you mean, or what?” Her arms folded. “I’m not going to have a job. And it’s not just me, I’m more worried about my research staff. My existing grants are expiring, and if I don’t find new ones, I can’t afford to pay them. Which means they won’t have jobs because I’ve failed them.”
Her voice broke over the last few words, and I had to shove aside a rising tide of anger. What kind of fuckery was this, and why was she assigning personal blame to herself over it all? God, she hadn’t changed.
But I was here now, and she wasn’t going to struggle a minute more if I could help it. I reached for my phone. This didn’t need to be difficult; it could be easily resolved. “How much do you need?”
Her shook her head, her expression resolute. “No. I don’t want your money.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Really? Not even to keep your staff employed?”
Her mouth opened. Closed.
“I know you, Z. You’re the same. Still setting yourself on fire to keep other people warm. This, really, is what you want to fight for? When you’ve got administrators stringing you up over a grant? With all you’ve done for this hospital?”
I took a chance, risked a few steps in her direction. Counted it a win when she didn’t back away from my hands on her shoulders.
“I’ll take care of it. Rocket Enterprises can easily make a gift that’ll keep them on longer. It’ll give you time to decide what you want to do, without worrying about everyone else. You’re not happy here—”
She jerked away, her face mutinous. “You don’t know what I am, and you lost the right to any opinion about my life or what I should do.”
Damn. This was hard. How much longer could I go without telling her what had happened all those years ago? Why had I let the deception go on this long? Why hadn’t I tracked her down, fought harder when that ring came back in the mail?
Why had I thought she’d be better off fighting her battles alone in this world than with me? Even if I was fucked up?
I wanted her back. I wanted to fix this, and all of her problems. But I didn’t want the truth to manipulate her feelings or influence her decision making.
I wanted her back of her own free will, of her own volition. Not motivated by any strings, or by the emotions that had always led her to sacrifice for others. I wanted her to come to me willingly.
Not out of pity.
Not out of guilt.
“It’s not what you think.” It was hard to breathe past the million cracks in my chest. “When I left, I didn’t have a choice, and I did it for you. You have to believe that.”
“For me? Nick, get out. I can’t take anymore.”
“What you said before? About me catching you at your lowest? Hardly. I wish you could see yourself the way I do, Zora. I wish you knew how long I prayed for the moment when I could set eyes on the miracle of you again. Let me help. Let me set you free from all this so you can be happy.”
She backed a step away. My chest squeezed at the moisture in her eyes. “I am happy. Can’t you tell? I’m so damn happy. All on my own. And I’m going to fix this problem and any other one that comes up. Just like I’ve been doing, long before you saw fit to show up again. But thank you for offering. Now, let’s both get this business between us done so we can get back to our lives.”
“I don’t wanna go back, Zora.” It wasn’t me saying it. The words took on a life of their own, slid past my mouth, crawled, arrowed to her. “Not without you. I want you back. I want us back.”
“I’m trying to be an adult. I’m trying to be a professional, a colleague, your friend, as much as it hurts. Isn’t that enough?” Her voice cracked and she closed her eyes as she