Beckett (Robinson Destruction #4) - Kathi S. Barton Page 0,18
woman would feel like she’d taken gold if she were to go through with killing herself.
She decided it was time to tell them something. Reaching out to Beckett, she thought of the others too. But for now, Beckett needed to understand what she had gone through. Not enough, she supposed, to kill herself over. But she’d been—
When I was dropped off at the home, I didn’t have any kind of identification on me—nothing to tell them why I’d been left there. No name. I was a newborn. They knew that. Whoever had me had taken me directly to the home without even the benefit of cleaning me up, I was told. She leaned back against the bed to continue. I didn’t have anything that belonged to me. Not even my name. Fifty-two other children before me had the same name. I was called fifty-three for the entire time I was at the home. After a little bit, I started referring to myself as Grace. I have no idea why that was the name I wanted. But no one would play along with me. Then I was adopted.
She thought about the day she’d found out that Allen was going to leave her. He’d been her protector when the other kids needed someone to beat on or to blame something they’d done on. Crashing into the meeting, she’d climbed up in his arms and begged him not to leave her. The Langleys thought she was adorable and had taken her too.
I’d been given the chance, the Langleys told me, to choose the color of my room. I didn’t have any idea what that might involve, but I told them they could call me Grace. After the laughter died down, they said I’d be Allie. Allen and Allie, their children. I think it should be pointed out that their names were Paul and Paula. Allen had his name already. So I was now Allie Langley. Beckett asked her if she had a middle name. No. I don’t know why, but I was only adopted as Allie. Which I have to admit, was difficult to be called. Everyone I had to deal with thought it was short for something. I got into a lot of fights at school over it. Do you know when Allen will be back from the job you guys have him on? He came up long enough to say goodbye.
Not for some time yet. What else do you remember from being with the Langleys? Anything I should know about? She told him she didn’t think so but did think of the fights she’d get into at school about her stupid name.
She laughed when she thought of some of the scraps she’d gotten into at school. It wasn’t until she was ten that she realized fighting got her nowhere but in trouble. Not just at home, but at school as well.
I dreamt of being something important. When you’re ten, you think that anything you do is important, I suppose. But I didn’t want to be a teacher. I know that everyone thinks that was my dream job—it wasn’t. I was settling, in a way. Even if all I could do was teach, I was going to be the best teacher in the world. Again, I was ten at the time. She thought of the conversations that had prompted her to settle. The Langleys were good to me. They loved me, showed me right from wrong. They were huggers too, so I came to depend on that, I guess you could say. But the one thing that they lacked and I needed was the ability to be encouraging. Not to pave the way for me, but just to tell me to go for it. Nothing that I wanted to do, not even to be a gardener, which is something that I had dreamed of, was anything they thought I would succeed at. Not only that, but they told me that with my looks, I’d be better off just settling down with a husband and having children for him. And to hope that none of them would be born as a redhead.
What a horrible thing to say to someone. Allie didn’t know who had spoken, their voices were different in her head, but she did defend the Langleys to the voice. Yes, well, I can see where you might be grateful for having a good home. But to say something like that to a child is deplorable.