Because I Want To - Grace R. Duncan Page 0,33

discussion, and soon.

Chapter 15

Prescriptions and appointment card in hand, Matt and Adam left the doctor’s office. Adam’s mom had loaned them her car since the office was nearly an hour by bus from their homes. Matt let his mind work on how to approach the discussion he needed to have with Adam while Adam drove toward home.

They stopped at the drive-through pharmacy near their houses to drop off the prescriptions for Adam. “How long will it take?” Adam asked the assistant.

She held up a finger and turned to the main part of the pharmacy. The speaker was off, so Matt couldn’t hear what she said, but a moment later, she turned back. “About an hour.”

Adam nodded. “I’ll be back then. Thanks.”

She smiled and waved, and Adam returned it before he drove out of the lane.

“I guess home. Unless you’re hungry?”

Matt tilted his head. “Are you? Think you could keep something down?”

Adam shrugged. “Anymore, I have no idea until I try.”

“Okay. What, though?”

“Hrm.” Adam stopped the car off to the side of the parking lot. “I could try a salad. I don’t think that’s too complicated. Or… oh… pizza sounds good.” He looked at Matt with wide eyes.

Matt laughed. “Pizza it is, I guess.”

Adam smiled, and Matt was happy to see it, since it wasn’t an overly common thing these days. “Okay, then.”

They set up at their favorite corner pizza place not far from the pharmacy. Matt worried about the grease on the pizza, but Adam looked so happy, he couldn’t bring himself to say anything. He’d just have to watch Adam closely and be there if the pizza came back up again.

By the time half the greasy goodness had disappeared, Matt decided he needed to just come out and push the issue. Nothing was going to get solved if they didn’t talk, and too much was still unsaid and unaddressed.

He sighed and sat back before taking a sip of his Coke. “So… we need to talk.”

Adam frowned. “About what?”

Matt looked up, meeting Adam’s eyes. “Us. The future. Hell, the current. I’ll ask flat out. Why don’t you want us to live together?”

The frown deepened, and for good measure, color filled Adam’s cheeks. He set down the slice of pizza he was holding, then picked up a couple of napkins and wiped his hands and mouth. He set them aside, sat back, and sighed. “I… I’m just not ready for that.”

Matt blinked. “Adam… we’ve been best friends for sixteen years. We’ve practically been living together all our lives. How much different is it to share a bed every night and keep our clothes in the same closet?” Even Matt knew there were differences between spending the night now and again—even often—and sleeping together every night. There were things to consider when living together. But they loved each other. Matt wanted Adam in his arms every night. He was happy to see their toothbrushes in the same cup on the bathroom counter. Especially now that they both knew each other’s feelings, it seemed… odd that Adam didn’t want to get closer, spend more time together.

Adam didn’t reply for a long time, and Matt was caught between scared and pissed. Had Adam not meant it? Was the love really one-sided after all?

“Was it a lie?” Matt asked, unable to meet Adam’s eyes.

“What?”

Adam sounded so confused, Matt forced himself to look up. “That you love me. Did you just say that because I did?”

Matt was comforted when Adam immediately shook his head. “No. No, I meant it. I really wasn’t lying.”

The words were so sincere, Matt couldn’t even pretend they weren’t true. Relief filled him, and Matt could at least put that worry aside. He had no doubt if things continued like this, he’d worry again, but at least for now, he could focus on the other problems.

“Then what? Why don’t you want to talk about the future?”

Adam shrugged a shoulder. “Scary, you know? I wasn’t expecting to be a parent this soon.”

“But that’s what I’m here for, to help make it less scary.” Matt was finding himself equal parts bewildered and frustrated by Adam’s replies and behavior. Something more was going on in Adam’s head, but Matt couldn’t seem to understand it to save his life. And while it might not be life-threatening, he was going to lose his sanity if he didn’t figure it out.

“You don’t have to be, though. It wasn’t your heat or your body that fucked things up. It was mine. It’s for me to figure out.” Adam frowned,