The Beauty of Darkness - Mary E. Pearson Page 0,80
never tried to stop you from going.”
A reply stalled on his lips, as if I had punched the air from his arguments, then he angrily snapped his reins to move forward again. He couldn’t accept that what was right might also come with a cost to both of us. I heard the creaks and moans of wagons starting to roll again, heard my own heartbeat pounding in my ears. Minutes passed, and I wondered if he was acknowledging the allowance I had afforded him that he couldn’t quite give to me.
Instead, he uttered another complaint. “You’re allowing a dusty old book to control your destiny!”
A book controlling me? Heat shot to my temples. I shifted in my saddle to face him fully. “Understand this, Your Majesty, there’s been a lot of effort to control my life, but it hasn’t come from books! Look a little further back! A kingdom that betrothed me to an unknown prince controlled my destiny. A Komizar who commandeered my voice controlled my destiny. And a young king who would force protection on me thought he would control my destiny. Make no mistake about it, Rafe. I am choosing my destiny now—not a book, nor a man or a kingdom. If my goals and heart coincide with something in an old dusty book, so be it. I choose to serve this goal, just as you are free to choose yours!” I lowered my voice and added with cold certainty, “I promise you, King Jaxon, if Morrighan falls, Dalbreck will be next, and then every other kingdom on the continent until the Komizar has consumed them all.”
“They’re only stories, Lia! Myths! You do not have to be the one to do this.”
“It has to be someone, Rafe! Why not me? Yes, I could turn away and ignore everything in my heart. Leave it to someone else! Maybe hundreds have! But maybe I choose to step forward, instead of stepping back. And how do you explain this?” I asked, angrily pointing to my shoulder where the kavah still lay beneath my shirt.
He looked at me, his expression unmoved. “The same way you explained it when we first met. It’s a mistake. Little more than the marks of grunting barbarians.”
I heaved a deliberate, grumbling sigh. He was being impossible. “You’re not even trying to understand.”
“I don’t want to understand, Lia! And I don’t want you to believe any of it. I want you to come with me.”
“You’re asking me to ignore what’s happened? Aster took a risk because she wanted a chance for a future for herself and her family. You’re asking me to do less than a small child? I won’t.”
“Do I need to remind you? Aster is dead.”
He may as well have added because of you. It was the cruelest blow he could have dealt to me. I was unable to speak.
He looked down, his mouth pulled in a grimace. “Let’s just ride and not talk before we both say something we’ll regret.”
My eyes burned with misery. It was already too late for that.
* * *
The sun was high, midday, and I knew we had to be getting close to the point where Kaden and I would leave the caravan. Whatever landscape we passed, I saw none of it. My insides were raw—shredded from one end to the other by someone who I had thought loved me. Yes, it was the longest twelve miles of my life.
Orrin, Jeb, and Tavish rode ahead, and when they pulled out of the caravan, for the first time I noticed that their horses were as heavily laden with supplies as mine was. They stopped about thirty yards away between two low knolls. Kaden joined them. Waiting. And that’s when I understood—they were coming with us.
I couldn’t bring myself to tell Rafe thank you. I wasn’t even sure if their added presence was protection or a trick.
He motioned for me to pull off the trail, and we stopped halfway between Kaden and the caravan. We both sat there waiting for the other to speak, seconds stretching as far as the horizon.
“This is it,” he finally said. His tone was subdued, weary, as if all the fight was gone out of him. “After all we’ve been through, this is where we part ways?”
I nodded, meeting his stare with silence.
“You choose a duty you once scorned over me?”
“I could turn that right back on you,” I answered quietly.
The blue of his eyes grew deeper, like a bottomless sea, and they threatened to swallow me