The Beauty of Darkness - Mary E. Pearson Page 0,59
could derail all their plans. The Morrighese cabinet was just as angry as Dalbreck’s. My departure wasn’t nearly as dramatic as a conspiracy. I simply left of my own accord because I was afraid.”
Adeline twisted the silver sash in her hand. “Afraid of the prince?”
“No,” I sighed. “The prince was probably the least of it. I was afraid of the unknown. I was afraid of the sham and the gift I thought I lacked. I was afraid of all the lost choices I would never be able to make, and that for the rest of my life someone would always be telling me what to do or say or think, even when I had better ideas of my own. I was afraid of never being anything but what suited others and being pushed and prodded until I fit the mold they shoved me into and I forgot who I was and what I wanted. And maybe most of all, I was afraid I would never be loved beyond what a piece of paper had ordered. That’s enough fear to make any girl jump on a horse and ride away, princess or not, don’t you think?”
They stared at me, and I saw the understanding in their eyes. Madam Rathbone nodded. “Enough and then some.”
* * *
I walked, trying to ignore the rattle of the belts and weapons of the guard escort trailing behind me. They reverberated like an entire marching army in the midst of the peaceful marketplace of wagons, but the king’s orders were to be followed to the letter, six guards and not one less. I stopped to check on Dihara first, then went in search of Natiya.
Like Dihara, Natiya had been orphaned when she was a baby. Her parents’ wagon had lost a wheel and tumbled down a mountainside. By some miracle Natiya had been spared, and together the tribe had raised her. Dihara, Reena, they had all been her mothers.
I found her down at the river’s edge, alone, staring at the calm rippling waters, supervising a bevy of fishing lines thrown into the water. The guards hung back, and I sat down beside her, but her focus on the river remained constant, as if it flowed with dreams and memories.
“They told me you were here,” she said, still staring straight ahead.
“Thanks to you,” I answered. With a single finger, I gently turned her chin so she had to look at me. Her large brown eyes glistened.
“I frightened a man twice my size with that little knife. He had hurt a small child, and I threatened to cut off his nose. You took a stand, Natiya. It helped me to take one too.”
She looked back at the river. “My stand didn’t go well.”
“Neither did mine. That will never stop me from taking them. Once we fear to take a stand, tyranny will have won.”
“Then why do I feel that we’ve lost everything?”
I pulled in a slow, shaky breath, feeling the price she had paid. “There are more battles to be fought, Natiya. This isn’t the end.”
Tears trickled down her cheeks. “It is for Dihara.”
A sickening twinge wrenched my chest. This was Natiya’s reality—and mine. Were any losses worth the gains? I struggled with the same doubts I saw in her eyes. Dihara had sent me here to speak to her, but really, what did I have to offer? I was still trying to find my own way.
“Once, when I was feeling despair over bad fortune, Dihara told me we’re all part of a greater story—one that transcends even our own tears. You’re part of that greater story now too, Natiya. You listened to the truth speaking within you. It may not seem like it right now, but you’re stronger today than you were yesterday. Tomorrow, you’ll be even stronger.”
She turned to look at me, the same defiance in her face as the day I’d left her in the vagabond camp. “I want to go with you,” she said.
My stomach gripped. I wasn’t prepared for this. I saw the hunger in her eyes, but I also saw Aster. It filled me with fear and renewed grief. I wouldn’t let this part of the story be hers.
“Not yet, Natiya. You’re too young—”
“I’m thirteen now! And a woman—the same as you!”
My blood rushed and my thoughts tumbled like a thousand tiny stones in a swollen river. “Cha liev oan barrie,” I said. “Your time will come. I promise. For now, your family still needs you. Be strong for them.”