I raise my hand and press it to his lips. I turn my face into his palm that’s still cupping my cheek, and I kiss his hand. “I get what you’re trying to say, I do, but I am doing this, Magnum. You’re not going to be able to talk me out of it. I’m not just going to wake up one day and decide I can’t risk my soul or my mind. He never gave my parents a chance. He solidified my life when he murdered them. I’m not backing out because I don’t want to.” Vengeance has slithered in my veins and rooted. A bunch of pretty words aren’t going to kill off the vines.
He pulls me forward, pressing his lips to my forehead. “I get it.” He brushes his lips over my skin as he talks. “I understand. Just please understand when I say I’m not going to help you do it.”
I bite down on my lip. Even if it does feel like he’s chastising me, I can’t fault him for it. This was always my destiny. My fucked up murder adventure. I don’t need Magnum’s help. I don’t need any of the guys’ help, and honestly, it would probably be best not to get them involved. If this all goes to shit, they can continue without me.
I take a deep breath. I should probably put some safeguards into place, so that if something does happen to me, they can leave. I should show them where my car is. I should tell them how to access my accounts. I can even tell them who my aunt and uncle are and, in turn, tell my aunt and uncle if any extremely hot men show up on their doorstep that they’re there to help them at whatever cost.
It pains me to think about this because if that ever happens, it means I didn’t make it. But it also comforts me to know that they’d be taken care of. Maybe Oscar could use some of the money I have to pay for college. He could show someone who cares what he’s really made of. He could make it all the way to the NFL.
And Brawler, he only needs money to continue training. I can talk to Jax and Finn, and even though they might not be able to train him directly, I’m sure they could point him to someone who can.
Johnny? Well, if I don’t make it, it might be because of him, huh?
I change my train of thought because I just can’t handle that. Instead, I glance up into Mag’s eyes. “When you said you wanted to be yourself, what did that mean, Jacob?”
He shivers, and I have to admit, I used his real name intentionally. His walls are always up, barriers barricading him like a fortress. Calling him that makes them shake a little. He kisses my forehead again and pulls away. “I just want to be the person I was meant to be before the Crew entered my life and upended it.”
“Do you know who that person is?”
“Pieces, maybe,” he admits. “Finding yourself is hard to do when outside forces demand you’re something else.”
“So, when we leave the Heights, you just want to go all hippie and travel where the wind blows you?”
He smirks. The last thing I can imagine Mag doing is being a hippie. Although, all that glorious red hair would be nice. He chuckles. “No, not exactly, but it would be nice to see different things. Experience different things without the confines of the Heights and the Crew.”
“I think you might just be a hippie yet,” I tease.
He groans and buries his head in my neck. “Far from it.”
I hold him to me, loving the feel of the warmth of his body next to mine. “We need to come up with a way to get to know each other. Actually, scratch that. You know everything there is to know about me. I need to get to know you better.”
He shakes his head. “I have a feeling none of us have even scratched the surface yet when it comes to you, Angel.”
I shiver at his pet name. I really, really like it. It’s the way he says it too. Like a purr that rolls off his tongue.
“Why don’t we start with asking each other questions?”
“Hmm.” The rumble from his lips vibrates the nape of my neck. “Since I really want to kiss you right now, let’s start there. First kiss?”