him. “It has to. For the same reason you walked into that room and sat at that table with the people you despise is why I’m going to stand in front of you tomorrow and beg you to hit me. Because I’m doing it for you. If you’re good enough to sacrifice yourself for me, then I’m good enough to sacrifice myself for you. I want to. Do you hear me? I want to.”
His jaw tenses. It works over and over, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down. Eventually, he nods once, conceding with slumped shoulders.
I can’t congratulate myself over this. Both Brawler and I know that crawling back from this will be a feat, but I owe it to him. He gave his all for me, and now I’m giving my all. That’s how relationships work. They’re not one-sided. They’re a mess of love and heartbreak. Of destruction and building back up. After all, the only person who can truly break you is someone you love. If they weren’t, you wouldn’t care enough to get hurt.
I walk away. I can’t stand to look in his pained eyes anymore and know I’m putting it there. I plead with Magnum with my eyes, and he walks over to Brawler while I slip inside the office. Jax stands, but when I lean against the wall and slide to my butt, he sits back in his chair and wheels over. The chair creaks in its quest to get closer to me. He pulls a tissue out of the box on the combined desks and hands it over.
I catch the tears falling and then drop my head back against the door, staring up at the tiled ceiling. Water stains cover the surface. Jagged, brown circles in various sizes. Marked there from who knows how long ago. A memory of a moment in time when something unexpected happened. “Your ceiling is gross,” I choke out.
Jax follows my stare then glances back at me.
My breath hiccups as I try to keep from bawling.
“I love this place. Shitty ceiling tiles and everything.”
I nod, knowing the feeling. That’s why I’m still in the Heights because even though I know things aren’t good right now, I’m better here than I was out there. Because of them. All of them.
“Don’t come to the fight tomorrow,” I tell him on a shaky breath.
“You’ll have to convince Finn, not me.”
“I mean it,” I say, my voice hardening. “Just find a way to make him stay home.”
He tilts his head. “I hope this isn’t because you don’t want us to see you lose.”
“I don’t give a fuck about that.” I wad the tissue up and use a dry section to wipe my eyes again. “It’s not safe. I don’t want you guys near the gang. Promise me?”
“Promise,” Jax says. He leans back in the chair. He’s fiddling with a pencil in his hands, but he tosses it onto his desk, and it rolls over the shiny veneer surface. “For the record, I already thought you were badass, but what you’re doing makes you the strongest woman I know.”
I choke out a laugh. I’m sitting here bawling in his office while running away from something that hurts too much. That doesn’t sound strong at all. “Yeah, right.”
He shrugs. “Suit yourself, but not many people would do what you’re doing. Taking a loss for someone else. Hell, it’s not even that. You’re throwing yourself away for him. To help him.”
“To save him,” I say.
“Well, that diminishes it then,” he says, teasing.
I groan, wondering how I got here with Jax of all people trying to comfort me. It’s so backwards. I mean, I guess he’s trying to comfort me. If he doesn’t mean to, he’s doing it, anyway.
I wipe at my face again and stand. I take a few deep breaths. I know I have to go out there and face reality again even though it would be so lovely just to hide back here. Even if Jax was my company. I throw the used tissue in the trashcan and look at him. “How do I look?”
He observes me, gaze never straying from my face. “Like a beautiful soldier, an avenging warrior.”
“So, Wonder Woman basically?”
“Basically,” he says, and I swear he almost laughs.
He stands from the chair, pushing it back under his desk and then moves forward. He spins me around and then puts his hands on my shoulders. He massages my muscles there. “Now you’re going to go out there, put your Wonder Woman face