him,” Magnum says, right before Johnny lets us into my apartment and shuts the door behind us. He leans his forehead against the wood, smashing his fist into the door several times, yelling at nothing and everything at the same time. The roar that comes from his mouth squeezes my stomach until it feels as if it’s in a blender.
I grab his arm, holding it back so he doesn’t do any damage. “Babe,” I say, voice cracking. He turns toward me, and the fissures in his exterior aren’t the only things bleeding through. His eyes tell me all the heartache he feels underneath.
I thread my fingers through his and lead him into the bathroom. Gingerly, I undress him. First taking off his blood-dripped white shirt and then his pants. Stains of crimson have leaked through the fabric and brushed his beautiful skin in copper. I turn to start the shower and then undress myself under his intense stare.
This gang life is a rollercoaster. One moment, I’m being threatened with rape. The next Magnum has me by the pussy, and now, I’m dealing with a bomb about to detonate, and I’m fairly sure whenever Johnny combusts, it won’t be pretty.
Sticking my hand into the shower spray, I check the temperature and then step in myself, dragging Johnny in after me. Water just this side of scalding cascades down our bodies. I move him into the spray. Water sluices off him, tingeing pink as it swirls down the drain. “How’s your face?”
“Hurts like a bitch,” he says, reaching his hand up to touch it gingerly.
“It’s swollen,” I tell him, inspecting it now that the blood is running off.
He shrugs. He said it wasn’t the first time he’s been beaten that bad, and I wholeheartedly believe it, but I’m anxious to ask him when? Why? How long ago?
Johnny dips his dark hair back into the spray, running his long fingers through it. We switch positions afterward, and I let the water run all over me, coating me in more warmth. It isn’t just Johnny’s heated gaze setting fire to my skin, it’s the water, too.
“You liked fucking Magnum, didn’t you?”
I lick my lips. I can tell he wants me to say no, but I’m not going to lie to him. There’s no reason to anymore. “Yes.”
He presses his lips together. He’s just finished lathering his hair with shampoo. Soap bubbles line his hair, giving him a child-like look. “Can I tell you something?”
I nod.
“Watching that turned me on.” He gives a quick shake of his head as we switch positions again. He lets the water wash the soap from his hair, and I wait for him to talk, sensing he’ll get this out on his own time. “I thought I’d want to kill anyone who touched you, and I think I would. I know I would. If it had been Jiko who was doing that, and I could tell you weren’t comfortable, I would’ve killed him right then and there. This was different though. You like Magnum.”
I nod, blinking away some of the water that runs down my face. I’ve told Johnny this before. I’ve used those same words to describe my feelings for Magnum, but I wonder if it’s the sex aspect that made him see it. His father has taught him that the gang and sex is all he needs. Maybe it was how I was with Jacob when we did it. Maybe he saw us in there and discovered not just two people fucking for the fun of it. Which is fun, too, but that’s just not what this is. It’s something different. He saw two people coming together because they care.
Johnny cups my face and brings us both under the spray. His head blocks the pulse of water from hitting me directly in my face until it’s just a nice coating of droplets. It’s as if we’re under a waterfall, spray coating us.
“Do you feel the same way when you’re with me? You looked like you wouldn’t want to be anywhere else, Kyla.”
I reach up, threading my fingers behind his neck. “The absolute same.”
He lowers his mouth to kiss me. It’s soft and comforting. Not usually the type of kisses Johnny gives, but I kiss him back with the same slow tenderness. “My mind tells me you’re breaking me.” He hovers his lips over mine. “But my heart tells me you’re fixing me.”
He moves me until my back is against the shower. With as beat up as he is,