The Beautiful Ones - Silvia Moreno-Garcia Page 0,52
Hector’s door and bent down, dropping something. The girl rushed away, a scared, wild animal.
Valérie waited for a few minutes before tracing Antonina’s steps. She stood in front of Hector’s door and bent down to retrieve whatever object Nina had left behind. It was a letter. In her haste, Antonina had not slid it completely under the door, and Valérie pocketed it.
Back in her room, Valérie lit two candles and sat at the desk. In the city, there was the wonder of gaslights and even electrified light fixtures, but in Oldhouse, wax and oil had to suffice.
Antonina’s writing was more a scrawl than true words, but Valérie was able to read the letter all the same.
Dear Hector,
I find it hard to put my thoughts into sentences, but I must do it or I think I will go mad.
Hector, I love you. I count the hours when I cannot see you and treasure every word you speak to me.
I thought myself happy to simply bask in your presence, but when we embraced I knew the true extent of joy. I want nothing more than to be in your arms again and to kiss you. If what we did was improper, then I confess myself a wretched and foul creature, because I want nothing more than to touch you again.
Should you want me only for one hour or one day, I would gladly take it. I would gladly take whatever you offer. I am not ashamed to admit this.
And should you love me as I love you, then I would be the happiest woman in the world. But for now, I dwell in uncertainty and hope your heart holds at least a fraction of the affection mine holds for you.
In the end, all I can say is: I am yours,
—Nina
When she was done reading, Valérie folded the letter back in place, her fingers tracing its creases carefully. If she did not scream right that second, it was only because she closed her hands into fists, her nails biting half moons into her palms.
Afterward, she lay in bed and pulled the covers up onto her chin. It was ridiculous pap, the letter, but it filled her with dread.
In the morning Valérie rose late, dressed with the utmost care, and quietly inquired as to the whereabouts of Mr. Auvray. A servant told her he’d seen him heading toward the library.
The servant was correct and she found Hector standing by a bookcase, perusing its contents. He was alone, which suited Valérie’s purpose; she went directly toward him. Valérie had decided there was no point in being subtle, a solid approach was necessary.
“I will ask you this but once and ask that you answer truthfully. Have you had the audacity to seduce Antonina under this very roof?”
His shoulders had been relaxed, but he snapped up to attention, grave, glowering.
“What?” he said, sounding more than a little affronted. “I have not.”
Valérie did not reply. It was he who must speak, and she gave him ample time to furnish an answer, knowing he’d elaborate quickly enough.
“We kissed, nothing more has passed between us. You thought differently? Do I seem like the man who’d behave immodestly?”
He spoke the truth, she could tell, and he’d always had honor and noble intentions aplenty. Nevertheless, the answer did nothing to soothe her. There was a taste of bile in her mouth that she knew she could not wash away.
“It does not matter. If she has not ruined herself, she will soon enough. She has no shame,” she exclaimed.
“In heaven’s name, what are you talking about?” he asked.
“Be merry, Hector. You have won. I concede to you. I thought to grant you my indifference, but I cannot. You are hurting me. A nail in my heart each day you pursue that girl, and now I see this will not end until you have ruined us all. I beg you now, leave. You’ve wounded me, you’ve won. Take that as your badge.”
Valérie had a mind to speak calmly, but tears stung her eyes, forcing her to turn her head and press her hands against her face. He tried to pry her hands from her face, but she would not allow it and turned from him in a fury, resting her back against a bookcase. She would not weep for him.
“Valérie, it was not my aim to hurt you,” he said gently.
“It was. All along. Do not lie. I knew you’d return one day. I knew you’d return and punish me.”