his elbow, and he spun toward the new threat, his right arm lifting, ready to swing. At Jane. He froze, his arm cocked to attack.
The world went still. Sound and light and everything dropped away but his fist, set to strike her face. Jane's beautiful face. He couldn't breathe.
How could this happen? He'd almost hurt her, his Jane, with the soft hair and tender mouth and clear-as-mirrors eyes.
In them he saw the bastard that was himself.
Lurching back, he bounced off a table. The rebound brought him near to her again, and she flinched. At the sight, he thought he might throw up. "I'm sorry," he said, his voice hoarse and ugly. "I would never hurt you."
But of course he had.
The crowd around them was silent now, and two bikini girls scuttled out of his way when he made to leave. Leaping off the top step, he landed in the sand and wished he could get a hundred miles away a hundred times faster. He wished he wouldn't be taking himself when he got to wherever he was going.
Jane caught up with him before he'd made it back to the beach house. She must have run, because she was breathless and her cheeks were red. "Griffin, stop. Wait."
Shoving his hands into his pockets, he halted without looking at her. He couldn't look at her. "What is it?"
"It's what I wanted to talk about before Ian showed up."
His stomach roiled again. "I don't want to hear it, Jane."
"Well, too damn bad. Not ten minutes ago you were telling me how lovable I am. I just wanted to return the favor."
"Ha." It was a bitter laugh. "I almost punched you."
"Almost."
"And last night..." Oh, shit. Just where he didn't want this conversation to go. He pressed his temples between his palms and sent her a glance. "You give too much."
"I might never see you again. You're going someplace dangerous, and who knows what might happen there?" Tears clogged her voice. "So I think I have to tell you - "
"Don't be silly and emotional, Jane," he said, desperate to stop her.
Her hurt expression made clear the verbal punch had done its work.
He started walking again.
Still, she kept talking. "I won't apologize for falling in love with you."
Griffin jerked at the words. She'd said them, damn her, and they seemed to strip away a layer of his skin. How could she do this to him? He'd never set out to hurt her, and now there was no way to escape it.
"I won't be sorry for being silly and emotional because now I realize the alternative," Jane continued, pitching her voice louder. "And that's being cold and alone like my father."
Another beat went by; he distanced himself a few more feet. But then she spoke again. "Cold and alone like you."
He kept moving.
"It's no strings attached, Griffin, I just wanted you to know. I get that you don't love me - "
"You don't get it at all!" He whirled to face her. "I don't want to love you. I don't want to ever love anybody."
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
GRIFFIN DIDN'T KNOW what to do with himself, so he drove to visit Rex during the hospital's evening visiting hours. Anything to occupy himself since he couldn't find his iPod, and nothing on television - not even 24/7 news - was working as a tranquilizer. He ran into his sister near the bank of elevators on her way to see the old man too. "David took the kids out for pizza to give me a break," Tess said.
Even in the shittiest mood of all time, he could attempt some social niceties. "How are the minions?"
"Great. Happy to be home with a happy mom and dad."
"Listen, you gotta do something about Duncan and Oliver." He might not get another chance to tell her before he left the States. "That Cheeto thing just creeps me out."
"David's working on it," Tess said. "Why don't you come home with me after our visit and give him some opinions on how to best do that? I made a cake for dessert."
Griffin stepped back. "No." He'd just gotten the tribe of them out of his life. "I don't feel much like cake."
"That's the thousandth time you've refused to do a family thing with us since you returned from Afghanistan. If I hadn't come to the cove, would we have seen you at all this summer?"
He ignored the question. "A thousand is an overstatement. And I just don't have a big interest in cake."