adore her, and when she starts with the tantrums I just think she’s the most awful child I’ve ever met.”
“You sound like you’ve really got your hands full,” the editor had said.
“I have. But”—Carrie had smiled—“I love him. And this is a young girl in a lot of pain. It will sort itself out. It has to.”
“I’d love a story on it,” the editor had said. “Being an unofficial stepmother.”
“Not yet,” Carrie had replied. “Or perhaps under a pseudonym. ” And they’d both laughed.
Carrie thinks about that lunch, thinks about how complicated this relationship is, when Jess sidles up to her after they get home from Mario’s, and offers to help her dry the mugs in the sink.
“Can I watch Gossip Girl tonight? Please?” she says. Carrie sees Richard smile out of the corner of her eye, and she looks at Jess in surprise. This is the first time Jess has asked permission of Carrie for anything, treating Carrie like a parent.
“What time is it?”
“Nine. Please, Carrie? Can we watch it together? I really want you to see it and I promise I’ll go to bed straight after.”
“Promise?”
“Does that mean it’s a yes?” Carrie nods and Jess leaps up with joy and flings her arms around Carrie. “Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! You’re the best!” And as Carrie reaches down to hug her in return she finds her eyes have filled with tears. Perhaps this is the breakthrough she has been waiting for.
Daff puts down the phone and sighs. Jess always sounds so distant when she phones. She remembers a colleague of hers, a divorced mother, saying she never phoned her kids when they were at their dad’s, always waited for them to call her because she would usually be interrupting them and they weren’t in the mood to talk to her and she would end up feeling unsatisfied and upset.
Daff knows that it is better to wait for Jess to call her, but she is so frightened Jess won’t call her, so frightened she is losing her daughter, that she can’t resist calling, even when Jess clearly doesn’t want to talk to her.
Her phone rings again and she snatches it up, hoping it’s Jess, calling back, wanting to chat.
"Daff? It’s Laura. How are you?”
“I’m great, Laura, how are you?”
“Good. I’m just ringing to see if I should pick you up.”
There’s a silence as Daff’s mind starts working furiously. “I feel completely stupid,” she says eventually, “but pick me up for what?”
“Oh Daff !” Laura starts to laugh. “You said you’d come to PJ’s tonight, remember? It’s singles night? I’m going with the girls.”
Daff groans inwardly. She had said she’d come, but that was weeks ago, and at the time it had seemed an abstract concept. The last thing she wanted to do tonight was get dressed up and go out with a friend from work. She was looking forward to a hot bath, climbing into bed in some oversized pajamas, and spending the night watching back-to-back Law & Orders.
“I . . . was that tonight? Oh Laura, I didn’t realize it was tonight . . .”
“What are you doing? You can’t make an excuse.”
“I’m just exhausted,” Daff tries lamely. “I’m planning on an early night.”
“No way,” Laura says. “I’m not letting you off the hook that easily. We’re meeting there at seven and you have to come.”
“I really don’t think . . .”
“Daff, when was the last time you went out and had some fun? I’ve been divorced much longer than you, and I remember those early days of getting into bed and watching television, but you can’t do that forever. I know you can’t use Jess as an excuse, and I promise you we’ll have a good time. If you hate it you can leave, but you have to at least try it.”
An hour later Daff walks into PJ’s, squeezing through the throngs of people, looking around for Laura and trying not to look desperate.
What the hell am I doing here? she thinks, hoping there is no one she knows sitting in the restaurant who might peer down and see her, obviously single, definitely not searching—but they aren’t to know that.
The women who surround her are dressed up to the nines— little black dresses, halter-necked sundresses in bright colors, tan skin exposed, tottering in super-high platform shoes. Everyone is made up, dressed up, the men in slacks and polo shirts, everyone looking around to see who is there, who has just arrived, who might be worth talking