Bad Habits: A Dark Anthology - Yolanda Olson Page 0,13
visiting priests and nuns who may be staying here for the next six months.
I have to be the picture of innocence.
Shoving off my bed, I pad to the window, sliding open the glass and leaning out over the sill. An icy breeze is blowing as golden light shines into my eyes. I wish I could run away from here, but it’s the only place I know.
At twenty, I’m nothing more than a homeless orphan. Technically, my parents aren’t really dead, only in my mind. I’ve killed them so many times, and each Sunday, I ask for forgiveness.
After stepping into the confession booth, I pray for redemption from being an evil child. I also ask for God to forgive the fact that I enjoy sex, that I bask in feeling a man inside me. And most of all, for doing it with one of his flock, Father Dominic.
I wasn’t much older than most of the girls that are brought to our church by their parents when I realized I wasn’t normal. My mind had been broken from what I’d seen.
Before coming to the convent, I spent my days getting high behind the bleachers with the rest of the emo clan. I would hide out, off my head on a thick joint, and even then, even with all the memories floating in a cloud, I still couldn't escape the nightmares. They burned through me like poison in my veins.
I was only sixteen, finding my feet as a teenager. The boy who called himself my boyfriend was nothing more than a friend who would grope me sometimes while sticking his tongue down my throat. Even though I let him go all the way one night at a house party, there was never a time I trusted a boy enough to give my heart to him.
I’d learned that sex was nothing more than a means to an end. Although my stepfather used it to cleanse his flock, I knew it was dirty. My stepdad: A sadistic priest who would prey on those who needed his guidance. That’s what brought me here at the tender age of eighteen. I was hoping to be absolved of my sins. But no amount of fucking Hail Mary’s could cleanse me of what I’d seen. The things I didn’t tell anyone about.
A knock sounds on my bedroom door to remind me it’s almost time to go, and I realize I’d been lost in my mind for far too long. Grabbing my clothes and a small towel, I head into the bathroom to shower and get ready.
Once my long brown hair is pinned in a tight bun at the back of my head, I gently situate my habit. My eyes are wide, filled with fear at what today will bring. I don’t deal well with strangers, they make me nervous, and I’m not sure I was the best choice to give the tour.
But I can’t argue.
I have to behave.
I sigh as I leave my room and make my way down to where the newbies will be meeting Sister Hilary.
When I reach the bottom of the stairs, I’m ushered into one of the small meeting rooms and told to wait at the front of the room. I watch as five new nuns as well as four new priests are ushered into the small space. My gaze lands on each one individually, taking in their faces.
Then my eyes lock on the last man. The man in the back. He's wearing the same black uniform and white collar as the other priests and yet he looks far too familiar to ignore. Ink snakes up his neck, sneaking behind his left ear, and I’m tempted to rip his collar off to see what it says. I can tell from here it’s some sort of script, but I can’t make out what the words are.
“Hello, everyone, before we head to the breakfast hall, we’ll do a quick run through of the convent and your rooms.” I force myself to smile, plastering on an expression of happiness when all I feel in my gut is acidic guilt. It sits low in my belly, where normally heat and pleasure would reside. I glance at the man in the back, his chocolate gaze locked on mine.
Swallowing back my nerves, I tear my gaze away and almost immediately feel the pull to glance back at him. I’m not sure what he’s doing, perhaps it’s the work of Satan, and the devil has finally come to claim me.