Bad Habits: A Dark Anthology - Yolanda Olson Page 0,106
up, they barely gave me a glance. I made sure I looked very plain every day. Almost homely, but not quite. I could put on a fashion show and blow them all away, but that wasn’t what I was there for.
Moving on to the bathrooms, I saw Sister Hanleigh in the last stall, cleaning up like I try to do every week. She smiled at me, then walked out. I wasn’t really sure what her deal was, but something about her made me want to find out.
Thankfully, the second one was empty. It usually was emptier because it was the furthest from any classes or work areas. There was an incident many years ago that shut most of that side down. No one would speak of the incident, except to say it happened.
After dumping my mop bucket, I went to my secret place. No one ever came to look for me, so I could wander around. Of course, I was very curious when I first came and wandered all over the place.
I found the secret area by accident. Trying to find a place where my box could be hidden, but still close, I found another hidden room that was just off of a hallway that attached to a door right inside my closet. I almost missed it. Accidentally, I leaned back on a section to take a break from moving stuff around and dusting. Before I knew what happened, I fell backwards into a dust filled hallway.
I took a candle to look around. Obviously, I wasn’t the first person to find this, but whoever had, it had been a long time. The dust was two inches thick, there were bugs crawling all around. And to me, it felt like my soul was at peace.
Walking into a room, I saw a full length mirror. Cleaning it off with my robe, I was enthralled with it. This would be perfect for me to perform self flagellation. When I had first been taught about it, I knew this was the missing piece.
Father O’Rourke gave me my discipline and explained the significance of it. It was a small whip that had seven cords that symbolized the seven deadly sins and seven virtues. There were three knots on each cord representing the number of days Jesus remained in the tomb after bearing the sins of humanity. He explained, I should inflict agony on myself to suffer as Christ and the other martyrs did.
I practiced self-flagellation in order to remind myself of everyone’s continued sin, depravity, and vileness. The pain, as the whips tore at my tender flesh, were nothing to me in my mind, compared to what others had to bear.
I needed to repent for the lives I took, even though it was something my psyche insisted on. There weren’t any small creatures in here, just bugs. A lot of them.
After I whipped myself, I would do my prayers in front of the mirror. Falling in the dirt and grime is where I truly belonged. As I felt the blood dripping down my back, I could hear the scurry of the legs scuttling up my back to partake. Never pausing my prayers, or opening my eyes, I only envisioned being covered in maggots. It is truly what I deserve.
After I have felt God has heard me, I stand up, shaking the critters off of my back. I know no one else would understand. Maybe Hanleigh, I’m not sure. She seems like me, but I’m not sure.
Glancing back at the carved circle in the wooden floor behind me, I know my time is waning. It was quite a discovery when I first found it. Not wanting to tell anyone about this place, I drew it on a paper and asked O’Rourke about it. He looked shocked.
“That is evil. Never make a drawing like that again.” He threw it in his fireplace.
I wasn’t allowed a computer, so I couldn’t research why it was evil. When I walked around the circle, it felt almost like it was beckoning me. Pulling me in.
I never had an evil feeling. Sometimes it was a tug of war trying to walk away from it, but it was never volatile towards me. Only welcoming.
My theory was, maybe it was only evil because of the dark things he had done in his life. I would be subjugating him, to help heal his wicked ways very shortly.
Only a few more days, and my voice would be heard.