Babyville Page 0,71
I had of us having a nice lunch, with me casually throwing in the fact that I'm pregnant over coffee, have now disappeared. I have no choice. It's now or never.
“Because I'm pregnant.”
“Congratulations.”
“Is that it?”
“Well, I'm not sure what else I should be saying.”
“Neither am I, Mark, but some kind of emotion would be nice. Look, I'm not expecting you to take responsibility and I certainly don't want you to pay, but I just thought you ought to know, because you told me that night that you were infertile and—”
“What?” Mark whispers, as pale as a sheet.
“What do you mean, ‘What'?”
Mark shakes his head, clearly in shock. “What are you talking about?”
“I'm. Pregnant.” I enunciate as clearly as I can. “And. You're. The. Father.”
His eyes widen, his mouth opens and—Christ, I feel guilty about this—an expression of pure joy crosses his face. But only for a second.
He's back to looking wary. “Are you sure?”
“Mark, I haven't slept with anyone else in months. I'm sure.”
And then, before I even know what's happening, he's jumped up, come around the table and put his arms around me.
“Oh my God,” he whispers, putting his hand on my stomach as I start to feel sick for the very first time in my pregnancy. “Oh my God. That's my child. Growing in there is my child.”
And with those words his eyes well up, tears of joy threatening to roll down his cheeks as he blinks them back.
How on earth am I supposed to do this?
Gently I disentangle his arms from around my stomach, and as he goes to sit down again, his whole face beaming, I don't know how I can do this to a man who is so patently, so obviously, good.
But do this I must.
“How long have you known?” Mark cannot wipe the smile off his face. “Why didn't you tell me before?”
“I'm nine weeks pregnant,” I say, “and I'm telling you because you have a right to know you're not infertile. But.” I falter but I keep going. “Mark, I'm not ready to have a baby.”
A pause.
“What are you saying?”
“I'm saying that I can't have this baby. That it wouldn't have been fair to hide it from you, but that you need to know I'm planning an abortion.” He visibly flinches but I carry on. “I have a consultation tomorrow with a clinic, but I imagine the operation will be done within the next couple of weeks. I'd feel happier having it done before the twelve-week mark, at any rate.”
Mark is silent.
“Mark? Mark? Come on, Mark. Think about it. You and I hardly know each other, and it's not fair to bring a child into this world without two loving parents. This isn't right.”
“We could be together,” Mark says quickly. “I know we hardly know each other, but we could try. I know enough about you to know that I like you, that maybe we'd be in with a chance.”
“And what about Julia?”
“You're going to think I'm just saying this because of the baby”—already I'm uncomfortable with him referring to “the baby”—“but Julia leaving has been the best thing that's ever happened to me. I feel as if the cloud that's been following me round has gone. And it's not Julia's fault, it's both of us, together. We weren't happy, and we weren't right for each other, not anymore. Probably not ever.”
He sighs sadly, lost in memories for a while, then he continues. “We'd grown so far apart we couldn't find a way back, but neither of us was willing to accept it.”
“Does Julia know that it's over?”
“I imagine so. She's called me a couple of times, either leaving a message when I'm out, or ringing as she's rushing out to meet someone, do something. She sounded so much lighter. Happier. Like the Julia of old.” Mark looks at me. “But that's got nothing to do with us. We could try.”
“Mark.” My voice is gentle as I reach out and take his hand, squeezing it to impress the point, to make him understand. “I don't want a child. I don't like babies. Stores like Mothercare make me break out in hives and the thought of having a screaming infant in my house is enough to make my blood run cold. I can't do this. I'm a career woman, not a mother. I'm just not the type.”
“But this is my child too,” Mark says. “I've waited for this child for years.”
“And now you need to wait some more, to have a child with someone