Babyville Page 0,16
she'd listened to Mark because every time someone asked, it only served to drive the point home and she felt more of a failure than ever.
But this is Bella, and so she will talk, rather than just smile sadly and shake her head.
“It's a bugger,” Julia says. “It's just not happening. Every month I think this might be it, every month my period arrives like bloody clockwork.”
“Have you thought about seeing someone?”
“Well, interestingly, I was reading a magazine article last week about a woman who couldn't get pregnant until she went to see a healer. She had one session with this woman and bam. She fell pregnant immediately. I've saved this healer's number and I think I'm going to call her.”
“Actually I didn't mean that. I meant a doctor. Fertility expert. Someone who could actually tell you whether there's a problem.”
“No. Not yet. And anyway, I don't think Mark could handle it if he found out he was, well, you know . . .”
“Firing blanks?”
“Exactly. Imagine how horrific that must be for a man. God knows the last thing I need is for him to be completely emasculated. But more to the point it hasn't been that long. I don't think either of us is ready for that step yet.”
“So you think the problem lies with Mark, then?”
“Put it like this,” Julia says. “I've been pregnant, remember?”
“But that was years ago. God, anything could have happened since then. And let's face it, the well-woman clinic isn't exactly a place you visit regularly. When was your last smear, anyway?”
“Don't want to talk about it.”
“Okay, okay, sorry. But I know you, and you really should go more often. Plus, if you really think that, that's terrible. You're obviously blaming Mark and you don't have any reason to.”
Julia can feel the tears fighting their way up to the corners of her eyes, but she will not cry here. She refuses to cry here. “Bella, we're at a wedding. I haven't seen you for months and I just can't get into this right now, it's not the time or the place. Tell me about you.” She forces a smile and squeezes Bella's hand. “How did you manage to keep this secret and how in the hell do you manage to look so damn gorgeous?”
Lorna always said that she'd be walking down the aisle wearing a grin the size of Brighton Pier, but in the event she looks fantastically demure and truly more beautiful than she has ever appeared in her life.
She tries to stare straight ahead, but she can't quite manage it, and her eyes open wide with delight when she spies Julia and Bella, oohing and aahing at the end of the pew now that they can see her properly.
“Christ.” Bella dabs the corners of her eyes. “If I wasn't me, I'd be desperate to get married just to look like that.”
“You could always buy a dress just for the hell of it. Save it for a rainy day. And what do you mean, if you weren't you, you'd be desperate? Don't tell me you're antimarriage now as well.”
“No, but the married man's been lurking again. Phone calls. Flowers.”
“Bella, don't!” Said firmly, and in slightly too loud a whisper. Julia smooths her hair behind her ears and gives an apologetic smile to the middle-aged woman in front who turns round to glare at her menacingly. “Later,” she mouths to Bella, and they all shuffle up to sing “Jerusalem.”
“What about you?” Bella whispers when the hymn is finished, ignoring the half-turned head of the woman in front. “Any closer to marriage with the delectable Mark, or is that a no-go area too?”
“Happy as we are.” Julia leans in so that Mark, on her other side, doesn't hear. “You know us. Happy as we are.”
Mark is slowly starting to relax, copious amounts of wine helping considerably, added to the fact that he is sitting next to Bella, whom he has always found rather scary, but rather attractive at the same time.
Bella is not stupid. She can see that Julia and Mark are not happy, and, although her allegiances are undoubtedly with Julia, will always be with Julia, she sees no reason why Mark shouldn't have some attention paid to him as well.
She has quizzed him about work, showing genuine interest and asking clever, pointed questions, and she has amused him with some anecdotes about the navigation of office politics in America, all the while ensuring his glass is topped up.
Julia is delighted that someone other