Babyville Page 0,106

neither had felt quite the same since their sex life took a downturn.

Sam felt increasingly estranged from Chris. She thought he had no concept of what her life was like, how trapped she thought herself to be, how difficult it was to retain the Sam of old when she was knee-deep in diapers. Chris felt much the same thing, for different reasons. Each time one of them made a false move, the grudges deepened, and for the first time in their married life, they weren't rediscovering their love for one another at the end of the day.

Sam still looked at his body appreciatively, as he wandered round the bedroom with nothing on late at night, but it was usually through eyes half closed with sleep as she sank under the duvet and mumbled a goodnight.

She could appreciate his body, his physical presence, just as long as it didn't encroach upon hers. Not now, not when all she dreamed of was a decent, uninterrupted night's sleep. Not even when she was craving closeness with another adult, fighting off the urge to merge with total strangers in the street. Not even that was enough to restore her sunken libido.

Sam shakes her head sadly and brings herself back into the present. Back into this living room, with its chocolate-brown velvet sofas and animal-print cushions, against which five women are lolling while their babies lie quietly on assorted play mats on the floor.

“God, I can't wait to get back to work,” Natalie says. “Isn't that ridiculous? I couldn't wait to leave to have a baby, and now I'm desperate to get my head around something other than HiPP organic bloody food jars.”

“Tell me about it,” Penny laughs. “So are you going back?”

Natalie shrugs. “I've got six months' maternity leave.”

“Six months!” A chorus of disbelief strikes up around the room.

“Not all of it paid,” she laughs. “But two weeks, and I'm back. You know, I really thought I'd be fantastic at this. I've waited to be a mother all my bloody life, and the truth is I wasn't planning on going back at all, but I feel like my brain has stopped. God, I adore Olivia, wouldn't change her for the world, but I can't do this full-time mother bit. I'm just not cut out for it. Penny, I think you're completely fantastic but I couldn't do what you do.”

“You mean stay at home and look after Lizzy? Natalie, I couldn't do what you do either. It's not that I don't miss work. I really do, but I've found it easier to give it up because my mother was never around when I was growing up, and I don't want Lizzy to have the same thing. I totally understand women needing to feel recognized as an individual rather than as a mother, but I've had that individual recognition, and now I'm choosing to be recognized as a mother. It's enough. I was always scared that it wouldn't be, but it is.”

Sam looks at Penny admiringly. Penny has just said exactly what she feels. Or perhaps, exactly what she wants to feel, because although she too wants to provide for George what was missing in her own childhood, she now suspects she needs the recognition too. But she's hoping that will go away.

“I have to admit, I feel guilty as hell that it isn't enough,” Natalie says, before laughing. “But not so guilty that I could stay at home with her all day. I mean, she's gorgeous, but the highlight of my week is now going to a mother and baby group. How sad is that? Anything just to have normal grown-up company.”

“Except even then you end up talking about babies,” Emily laughs.

“Well, yes,” Natalie has to concede. “But at least it's conversation.”

“What did you do, Penny?” Sam's curious.

“I worked for a bank.”

Sam pictures Penny in a high street branch of Barclay's. She looks the type. Maybe she was even manager, for despite the leftover maternity leggings and voluminous gray sweater, she might have aimed for more.

“Which bank?”

She mentions an American investment bank. “I was head of Mergers and Acquisitions there.”

Sam almost has heart failure.

Natalie, it transpires, is the marketing director of a huge pharmaceutical company. Sarah started her own internet fashion site that's so successful Sam regularly reads about it in the financial pages. Emily is a nursery-school teacher.

“I know,” Natalie laughs, seeing Sam's expression. “We're a bit of a mixed bunch, aren't we?”

“You can say that again,” Sam says, almost overwhelmed with shame for