Author Anonymous_ A True Story - E.K. Blair Page 0,94
little time before hearing my voice.
“What did you do while I was away?” I ask before taking another bite of pasta.
“Mostly worked, but I managed to spend some time with my oldest brother and his family.” He takes a swig of beer. “I got to watch my nephew play in his soccer game too.”
“Did they win?”
“No, but he did score a goal,” he says proudly and I smile at his love for the kids I know he wishes he had.
“And what about last night?”
“Last night?”
“I tried calling you,” I tell him, remembering the agonizing anxiety to hear his voice after two weeks of being apart.
Taking another pull from his bottle of beer, he swallows before casually saying, “I went to North Shore.”
North Shore.
My chest seizes in disbelief, sending a blistering chill through my veins. I do what I can not to show the hurt and jealousy that engulfs my lungs, drowning me in emotions that mark me as a hypocrite. That’s exactly what I would be if I accused him of anything, but the thoughts still afflict me, shooting off in rapid-fire.
“You okay?”
No!
I nod, scared my voice will crumble if I speak.
“You’re a shitty liar, Victoria.” He wipes his mouth with his napkin before saying, “Tell me what you’re thinking.”
“I have no right to say anything.”
He scowls. “Right or no right, I need to know what’s going on in that head of yours. I need to know what you’re feeling.”
How can I tell him that I’m hurt and feel betrayed when I’m the one guilty of betrayal? I have no right to feel this way, but I do.
“I don’t want to repeat myself,” he says in a mixture of irritation and concern.
“I just . . . I didn’t think you were still . . .” My words fall short when my ache bubbles to the surface.
He reaches out across the table and takes my hand in his. “I thought you understood that this is who I am.”
“I did—I just thought . . . with everything between us that . . .” I drop my head, suddenly doubting his feelings toward me.
“I need you to look at me because I need you to understand.” I lift my head to see the seriousness in his eyes. He softens his voice, telling me gently, as if I might break if not handled with care, “I am who I am, and I never wanted to mislead you into thinking that my lifestyle was something flippant—something I could turn off and on. That’s not how fetishes work, which is why I’ve always sought like-minded people.
“But you knew I wasn’t like-minded.”
“Yes, I know, which is why I never hid myself from you. I came to you and laid it all out there for you to make the choice whether or not you wanted to get involved with me.” He stands and rounds the table to sit next to me. “I can’t force myself to change who I am for anyone. It isn’t fair to ask me to. But at the same time, I have conformed for you. I know parts of my lifestyle make you uncomfortable, which is why I’ve never pushed you to go back to the club after I saw how upset it made you,” he explains. “This isn’t easy for me, you know?”
“I’ve pushed myself so far with you. More than what I’ve done with anyone. I’ve let my walls down and—”
“I know you have, but even with you breaking through your own boundaries, what we have is still very vanilla for my taste.”
Feeling as if I’ve completely let him down, I shrug my shoulders in defeat, wallowing in insecurity.
“I’m okay with what we have, Victoria. If I weren’t, I wouldn’t have hung around for so long. But I’d be lying if I told you I’m completely satisfied, because I’m not.” He drops his head.
“I’ll go back,” I tell him, not wanting to disappoint him.
“It’s not just going. I need more than that. I need to fuck you bare while people watch. I want to see their eyes on us, see them getting off on what I do to you. I want to watch other people fuck while I jerk off or while you suck my cock.” His voice exposes his unyielding need. “My other fetishes have always come second to my affinity for voyeurism. Fucking random people and swinging . . . I can bend on that. Impact play, breath play, and those things, I like exploring them and don’t doubt we