in a dream. The nagging between my legs is the only proof I need to know the truth. I lean my head back and cover my face with my hands as I laugh at how unbelievably happy I am right now.
I never thought I’d ever have another first kiss in this lifetime, and holy fucking hell, that was unbelievable!
The touch of his lips against mine threw me into throbbing excitement, but it wasn’t just his kiss—it was everything about him. It was the way he triggered my heartbeat with his eyes, which screamed “You’ve never known a man like me.” My heart is still pounding from that look, and I can’t believe that actually just happened.
I park in front of Brooke’s house, blazed in excitement, and rush to her front door. I don’t even knock. I just walk right inside wearing a shameless smile.
“Brooke,” I call.
“In my bedroom.”
I walk in to find her emptying a laundry basket of clean clothes.
“You won’t believe what just happened,” I blurt, and when she shuts the drawer to the dresser and turns to face me, I tell her, “I met him!”
“Met who?”
“Alec.”
Her face drops, eyes wide and mouth agape. “Rewind,” she says as she sits on the edge of the bed. “What the hell are you talking about?”
Her tone kidnaps my elation, slowly bringing me down from my high. I walk over to the corner of the room and take a seat in the chair next to the window.
“I called him this past weekend.” My confession sparks another bout of astonishment in her eyes.
“Are you crazy?”
“Maybe I am. But I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him.”
“What if Landon finds out? My God, Tori, what are thinking?” she scolds harshly. “The two of you are supposed to be working on your marriage and getting it back on track.”
“We didn’t just slip off track, Brooke. We completely derailed,” I exclaim. “I’m miserable. You have no idea what it’s like living in that house with him. He treats me like a prisoner, always watching my every move. When I went to Austin, I finally felt free, and when I called Alec, I finally felt happy.”
“You have to give it time. It won’t always be like this, Landon just needs time to trust you again.”
“That’s so easy to say when you’re not the one living it day by day. His distrust is driving me away, and before you say anything, I know I deserve it. And I know he has every right not to trust me, but . . .” I drift, not knowing how to explain my heart. My throat tightens, and I turn my head to look out the window. “I don’t know how to explain what I’m feeling. None of it makes sense.”
“Then maybe you need to press pause.”
I look back to Brooke. The concern she now wears for me chokes me up, and the tears finally fall. “What if I don’t want to?”
“You’re playing with fire.”
The fire has been burning for months now, but it’s never been enough. Today Alec set that fire ablaze, and tomorrow, I’ll be going to his place with a can of gasoline.
“I kissed him,” I confess as my face crumples in my own self-inflicting agony, and I cry more when I continue admitting, “It felt amazing. Everything about it felt like everything I’ve been missing in Landon.”
“You can’t see him again.”
“I’m going to his place tomorrow.”
“Don’t do it,” she cautions. “You know if you have sex with him, and Landon finds out, he’ll divorce you. Don’t be stupid, Tori. Think about your kids.”
I sit here as emotions pour out of me, responsibility and desire war within. I’m so lost, and I’m wondering if being with Alec is where I’ll find myself.
“You’re not this girl, Tori.”
“What if I am?”
“You’re not,” she states adamantly.
“What if I want to be?”
“Trust me, you don’t. You don’t want to be the woman who cheats on her husband and loses everything.”
“But what if it’s already lost?”
She walks over and sits on the small ottoman in front of me. With her hands on my knees, I see her own tears flooding in her eyes. “I love you,” she affirms. “And I will always love you no matter how badly you fuck up, and I’m telling you right now, as your friend, you are about to lose everything. You don’t want to do this. You’re caught up right now. Everything is exciting and new, but those feelings are just temporary. And when they’re gone, and