me with those cool blue eyes, and I can feel his mind at work behind them. He is wondering how he ended up so close to the edge so quickly. He is wondering if there is any way out of this. And though he would deny it with every fiber of his being if I accused him of it, he is wondering if he can trust me.
I cannot blame him. He was quick to assist in the bar yesterday, but that was mere muscle memory—an Alpha stepping to the defense of a squad mate.
I wonder what he truly thinks of me in the dark and quiet hours.
I could see the pain in his eyes yesterday when he spoke of his father. Even Syldrathi know of the great Jericho Jones. A Terran Defense Force commander who slew thousands of my people in the war, then suddenly turned pacifist. He became the loudest voice in the Terran senate, arguing for peace between our peoples. It was Jericho Jones who brokered the first round of peace talks between Terra and Syldra. It was his negotiations that opened the way for the ceasefire in 2370.
And when the Starslayer and his Unbroken took advantage of the lull in hostilities to attack the Orion shipyards, Jericho Jones was among those who answered the call for reservists. He had not flown a fighter in thirteen years. He had two children waiting back on Terra for him to return.
And he did not.
I wonder how much of Tyler Jones blames me for that. I wonder if he looks at the glyf on my forehead and sees what everyone else sees.
Warbreed.
Betrayer.
Killer.
I’na Sai’nuit.
“I am fine, sir,” I reply. “I thank you for asking.”
Tyler licks his lip, the small split he earned in the brawl yesterday.
“Listen, I’m not sure how to bring this up,” he says. “And maybe it’s none of my concern. But you’re my Tank, and I’m responsible for you.”
“You are my Alpha. Ask what you will.”
“Auri,” he says. “Aurora.”
The sound of her name is like music. I actually feel my belly flutter, my skin prickle beneath the power armor I am wearing. I picture her eyes, pupils of bottomless black, one ringed in seventeen different shades of brown, the other encircled by a white as pale as starlight. I think of her lips, and I—
“What’s the deal between you two?” Tyler asks.
A surge of sudden enmity roars through me. Territoriality. Aggression. I know that primal instinct has no place here and I fight it, as I have fought it since the moment I laid eyes on her in that cargo bay and she spoke words I will never forget.
“I’ve seen you before. …”
I blink hard. Focus my mind as my mother taught me.
“There is no deal between Aurora and I,” I say.
“You called her be’shmai,” Tyler replies. “In the bar before the fight.”
I feel the anger surging again. The war in my blood, entwined with the overwhelming desire of the Pull. The Enemy Within, whispering in my ear. Digging fingers into my spine. I stamp him down. Push him away. Clear my thoughts.
This conversation will not end well.
I clear my throat, keep my voice calm. “Sir, with all due respect, I believe you were correct. This is not your concern.”
“I don’t speak Syldrathi as well as Scar, but I know what ‘be’shmai’ means.”
A bitter smile curls my lips. “No, sir. You do not.”
“I’ve never heard of the Pull happening between a Syldrathi and a human before. Is that what’s happening here? Have you told Aurora?”
“No,” I say, horrified at the thought. “Of course not.”
“Look, I want you to know I respect you. I respect where you’re from. But if you’re going to lose your head at some critical moment because of some Syldrathi mating instinct, then I—”
“The Pull is no mere mating instinct,” I say, steel slipping into my voice. “And explaining it to a human would be like trying to describe the color of a rainbow to a blind man. You do not … you cannot understand.”
I swallow the steel. The taste of anger in my mouth.
“Sir,” I add.
“The Pull is usually reciprocal, right?” he asks, head tilted. “What happens—”
“You need not concern yourself.” I scowl, uncomfortable even discussing this with a Terran. “I assure you I have it under control.”
“You certainly lost it quick against those Unbroken yesterday.”
“I lost nothing. I knew exactly what I was doing. The violence was necessary.”