Ar'Tok - Alana Khan Page 0,52
squeezes. I have never felt this particular emotion before. It is sad and sweet and powerful. I have no name for it.
“Yes, Shamdah, that would be one of the nicest things that’s ever happened to me. But you know what?”
He shakes his head.
“I’m safe now and I’m finding peace.” My eyes dart to Star for a split modicum, then return to Shamdah. “Maybe you could pray for all the people who still need your prayers.”
“Yes, Sir,” he says with a shy smile. His attention is caught by some mountain animals climbing the jagged rocks to his left, and I turn to Star on my right.
“You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” I whisper in her ear, then realize that’s barely a compliment. She’s the only good thing that’s ever happened to me. “You’re a wonderful human.”
She nestles against me, both of us looking out the window as the grinton crawls up the mountain. Her muscles are relaxed and there’s a lazy smile on her face.
Inside my skin, though, I feel like a depth charge just exploded, like everything just tumbled into rubble at my feet. And the rubble, just as quickly, is rearranging itself into a new configuration.
My cirr pet Star’s head and neck—their favorite pastime—as cataclysmic changes take place inside me. The male I was for twenty-five years just died, as surely as if I was shot through the heart. I’m resurrected as a new male.
I had been so sad for so long I didn’t know it. And my anger? I hadn’t realized, but it permeated every cell in my body. What was it Star said the other night? Fish don’t know they swim in water? I hadn’t realized I was a walking bag of skin surrounding a writhing ball of bitterness and hatred in the pit of my stomach.
I picture that moment a few minimas ago when Star’s foothold gave way and the rocks and pebbles cascaded down the mountain. I imagine all the negativity that I’ve carried for so long falling away like that, down the mountain. Down and down and out of sight. Inconsequential. Never to be given another thought.
The Gods who abandoned me for the last twenty-five years found me, and to make up for forsaking me, they gifted me with Star, my own personal North Star.
“Forgive me if it’s the wrong time and the wrong place,” I tell her as I brush my lips to her temple. “I love you, Star. Maybe it’s too soon and too impulsive and—”
She turns in my arms and interrupts my rambling with a hard, meaningful kiss. “Not the wrong time or the wrong place. Not too soon or too impulsive, Ar’Tok. I love you, too.”
We’re on the grinton, crammed in with dozens of people. Half of them probably heard and saw my ridiculous admission. But Star and I just look at each other, beaming like happy children. My cirr are overjoyed and can’t be contained from caressing her cheeks in joy.
“When we get home from Ergonn’s tonight, I will fully express my affection for you,” Star says with a wink.
“And I you.”
The grinton slams to a stop, and we file out.
When we’re on solid ground, I know it’s Shamdah tugging on my shirt. “My people have a saying. Amshallah. It means peace be with you.”
“Amshallah to you, Shamdah.”
Chapter Ten
Star
We get off at the last stop before the top of the mountain. I let Ar’Tok drag me toward the edge to show me this latest vista, but my mind is thinking of nothing but what just happened on the train.
Ar’Tok just said he loved me! Wow. And I said it back. Double wow. A sane person would be scolding herself right now, wondering how crazy she is, but I’m not going there. I’m going to double down on this feeling—wallow in it, luxuriate in it.
I’ll be honest with myself, I fell in love with Ar’Tok before we met. I hate to sound like one of the romance novels I read, but we’re soulmates. Well, except for the swacheck music. But that’s the exception that proves the rule.
I envision the pictures I used to plaster all over the bridge when I talked to him. The handsome Simkins with the bronze skin and brass-colored horns. Then I steal a glance at my handsome Simkin of pale skin and patterned red scars that scream of his character. I like this male better. Mom used to say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. She was right. The