I grit my teeth, shoving the memory back where it belongs: as something that should never have happened.
I shake my head. “It will be fine.”
“I know you don’t want to, so don’t.” She looks at Gwen and Jackson, then shrugs a bit. “I’ll show up with someone else.”
“I want to.” The words are clipped and sharp, just not for the reason she thinks.
She’s shaking her head. “No, you don’t. It’s fine. I can take care of it.”
Her femaleness in this moment irritates me, and after being good for so long, I snap. “I fucking want to, Cat. That’s the problem.”
That’s the trouble with being good. It wears on you until you give in to being bad.
A quick intake of air. “Not as much as you want to stay away from me.”
“I can’t stay away from you. I work for you.”
Her brow furrows, like maybe she’s confused, but then her expression clears. “Of course. But you’re not required to eat with me, so I’ll get someone else.”
I meet her eyes. “I said I’ll do it, and I will.”
“But—”
I cut her off. “Will you just shut up?”
The fine cords of her throat work as she swallows. “No.”
I sigh. “You want another drink then?”
She shakes her head. “Actually, I think I’m going to leave.”
“How are you getting home?”
“I’ve got my car.” Cat turns to the table and feigns a loud yawn. “I’m beat, so I’m going to take off.” She turns to Gabe, who finally tears himself away from Mandy the redhead. “I trust you can find a way home.”
Mandy doesn’t miss a beat. “I can take him.”
“Great.” Cat gestures toward the seat. “Can you let me out?”
Gwen frowns at Cat. “Don’t go yet.”
But she’s already gathering her purse, unable to escape fast enough. “I’m tired, and I have a bunch of stuff that needs to be done early tomorrow.”
She’s upset with me, I think, although I can’t be 100-percent sure. Somehow whenever I’m around her, I end up making things worse instead of better. It bothers me. It shouldn’t, but it does. I should let her go on her way and find a woman to take out my frustration on, like I’ve been telling myself I should do for weeks.
But of course, that’s not what I do.
When Gabe slides out of the seat to allow her an exit, I follow right behind her. “Wait.”
She turns, looking back at me. “Yeah?”
I meet her eyes. “Can you give me a lift?”
Two lines appear on her forehead. She glances around the table, probably wondering what she can say to reject the request without raising suspicion.
I head her off. “Since we are going to the same place.”
She flashes a glare before her face clears. “Sure.”
I’m not sure if I’m relieved or want to kick myself. I guess my desire to clear the air is stronger than my sense of self preservation. No surprise there.
We say our goodbyes and walk out of the place. We enter her car in silence. The drive is tense. She doesn’t make conversation and neither do I.
I’m still trying to gather my thoughts and formulate a plan when she pulls up in front of the small cabin I call home. I stare at the front door. Maybe it’s best to get out of this car and leave everything unspoken, but I don’t move.
Finally she loses patience and points to the porch. “Are we done here?”
“I don’t know, are we?” Stupid question.
Her head jerks in my direction. “Yeah, I think we are.”
I shift to face her. “It seems I always do the wrong thing where you’re concerned.”
She stares out through the windshield, refusing to meet my gaze. “We’re on the same page.”
And yet she’s angry. “It’s the smart page. The page we both agreed on.”
“I know.” She points at my front door. “You can go now.”
I could, but things feel unfinished. “I have something I need to say.”
“What’s that?” Her tone is well modulated, but the tension in her shoulders gives her away.
Nothing can change the way things need to be, but I want her to understand. “I want you. I feel like you doubt that, but don’t. It’s hard for me to stay away from you.”
She opens her mouth to speak, but I’m not sure this conversation leads to anywhere good, so I continue, “Goodnight, Cat.”
I climb out of the car and walk up the two steps that lead to the safety inside.
9
Cat
I can’t sleep. It’s too hot, the sheets are tangled, and I keep replaying Caden’s