The Arrangement (A Real Man, #23) - Jenika Snow Page 0,7

here. Not now. Not ever again.

He came into the kitchen, and I stepped aside so he could grab some coffee. The awkwardness was heavy, so I moved to the dining room table and sat down, staring out the window. I felt Beckham watching me then and glanced over at him.

“You know we need to talk,” he finally said, and I exhaled.

“I know.” I brought the mug to my mouth and took a long drink. “Just not now,” I murmured.

He nodded. “Okay.” He sat down across from me, and as we drank our coffee in silence, as I thought about everything that would have to be said, have to be done, this little sliver of hope surfaced in me.

I loved this man. I loved him so much my heart broke in two at the thought of never having him in my life. My heart fucking cracked at knowing what had been lost.

And I felt my world shift in the worst possible way at knowing he’d probably never feel the same way for me as I did for him.

And because of that, I wanted to repair what had been damaged. Because having him in my life, even as just a friend, was better than not having him at all.

I just didn’t know if that was possible.

Chapter Five

Beckham

Several days later

She’d been avoiding me like the fucking plague. And I’d let her. I’d given her space.

But the time for us to talk, to hash things out, lay everything bare, was here.

So I rented us a movie, one we’d seen years ago, a cheesy comedy, but it brought back a lot of good memories. I bought a six-pack of the beer I knew she liked, this peach-flavored one I was never fond of, but because Lenora enjoyed it, I got it. I also ordered us two pizzas, one of them having sausage, ham, and black olives with thin crust just like she liked.

I wanted to bring back those memories we had together, happy ones, ones that would remind her what we used to have. Maybe I was trying too hard to convince myself that things could go back to the way they’d been, that I hadn’t really fucked everything up.

I knew she found a job, and although she’d been avoiding me, I overheard her on the phone with the initial interview. I asked her about it, and that’s when she said she got a position at the artisanal café in town. She’d been very excited about it, although she hid it pretty well. But I’d been able to see it on her face... relief. I couldn’t help but think it was because she couldn’t wait to leave, to get away from me.

And I hated that.

I ran a hand over my jaw as I sat on the couch, waiting for the pizza to arrive. I knew she’d be home in the next twenty minutes, the café closing at six, and because it was just in town, a short ten-minute drive from where we lived, it would take her no time at all to get home.

I’d offered to pick her up, but Lenora had always been really independent, not wanting to rely on anyone else. It was a trait I loved about her, admired.

I thought about having this home with Lenora, sharing it, both of us in the same space together.

God, that sounded so fucking perfect. I wanted to make that my reality, my future forever.

A handful of minutes later, there was a knock on the front door. The pizza. After paying the delivery guy and bringing the boxes into the kitchen, I opened up the fridge and grabbed a beer. It wasn’t the kind she liked, but I needed a little something to take the edge off. I was nervous, so fucking terrified of how this conversation would go. I wanted her to tell me about everything that happened, not just hash out the past, but why she called me for help, how the circumstances of the situation brought her back into my life.

I wanted to know all of that so I could try to help fix things. God, that’s all I wanted to do… fix things for her, for us.

I popped the cap on the bottle and downed half the beer before I even took a breath. I wasn’t the type of man to get nervous about much, but this situation… this right here scared the fucking shit out of me.

And then I heard a car pull into the driveway. She’d called a car service,