The Arrangement (A Real Man, #23) - Jenika Snow Page 0,4

anything and saw that he watched me intently. I wondered what he was thinking, wondered if he regretted inviting me to stay.

“I promise I won’t be here that long.” God, I was so nervous.

He shook his head slowly. “Lenora, I meant it when I said it’s not a problem. You’re welcome to stay here as long as you want.” His voice was soft, gentle. He sounded sincere.

I wanted to believe him, but I was on guard, had that wall up around me. I kept telling myself this was temporary, that once I had my shit together, I’d be out of his life and hopefully be able to put him in my rearview mirror, so to speak.

I’d be able to put the way I felt for him, the love I felt for him, behind me.

But even thinking that, telling myself that, I knew it was a damn lie.

Beckham

I stood on the other side of her bedroom door that I’d just closed, staring at it, picturing her getting settled in there. God, I’d fucked up so badly, but now was my chance to make it right. I didn’t want her to leave. Ever. But how could I tell Lenora that? How could I prove to her that I’d loved her for as long as I could remember?

Because she’d throw it back in my face that if somebody loved another person, they never would’ve said such hurtful things.

My heart fucking broke at that thought.

I exhaled and curled my hands around the doorframe, hanging my head. I couldn’t hear anything, and I wondered if she knew I still stood out here. I was seconds away from knocking on the door, but I dug my nails against the wood, telling myself I needed to go slow.

All I wanted to do was talk to her. I could see she was having a hard time. I’d heard it in her voice, not only when she called me and asked for help, but this entire time, with every word she said. Her darkness had come through so strong. And I knew she hit rock-bottom, because she asked for my help. And I was the last person she’d turn to after... everything.

I turned and forced myself to head into the kitchen and opened the freezer, grabbing the bottle of whiskey then getting two shot glasses out of the cupboard. I set the three items on the counter and just stared at them, wondering if going and talking to her right now was the best option. I should let her get settled. We had a lot of things to discuss. I had a lot of things I needed to make amends for.

I put the shot glasses back and took the bottle of whiskey into my room, closing the door and sitting on the edge of my bed. Knowing she was in the room right across the hall had my pulse racing. So instead of making an ass out of myself, I opened up the lid and brought the bottle to my mouth, taking a long drink.

Nothing like getting shitfaced while the girl you were in love with was right across the hall, hating you.

Chapter Four

Lenora

The next morning

I’d been awake for God knew how long. I’d just stayed in my room, in the bed, staring at the ceiling, watching as light moved through the blinds to cast shadows across the wall.

The truth was, I was nervous. I was scared to face Beckham and this new day, terrified to face my actual reality. Since coming to his home and getting settled in the room, I pretty much stayed to myself. It was only when I heard him ask me through the door if I needed anything from the store and that he’d be back soon that I finally left the room and explored a little.

Although I’d been in this house before when I was younger, helping Beckham and his father paint when they were renting it out, everything was different. Leather furniture adorned the living room, and new granite countertops were in the kitchen. He got rid of the ugly lighting in the dining room, this god-awful ‘70s-style chandelier that hung over the table that we both used to make fun of. Now in its place was this modern, sleek chrome lighting fixture. In fact, he renovated just about everything in this place.

The bathrooms were redone, with no more gold-leaf mirrors nor Formica countertops. He got rid of all the nasty brown shag-like carpet, replacing it with hardwood flooring. It was gorgeous.