I ignore her and close my eyes to get the words out. “Alexis and I got married this evening. On the beach at The Cerulean. I know this isn’t what you were hoping for. But we wanted to keep it small and intimate given the negative press she’s been receiving.”
“Then why would you be worried about me finding out another way?” she asks, her tone sharp. “If no one is supposed to know.” I open my mouth, casting about for an answer, but before I can respond, she answers her own question. “Unless you’re leaking the photos on purpose to try to fix her reputation. Is that what you’re doing? Are you sacrificing yourself, your goals, for hers?”
I let out my breath in a gust. “No, Mom,” I reassure her, telling the complete truth about this at least. “I’m not sacrificing myself for her.” We’re helping each other, actually. “She’s important to me.” Also true. “And this is what she needed. I’m sorry that this isn’t what you wanted to hear, but it had to be this way.” Also one hundred percent true. Though I’ll be honest that it makes me nervous that she’s close to guessing the truth.
She doesn’t say anything for a long time. “Would you … would you like to talk to her? I can put us on speaker. Or video chat.”
More silence. And finally, “No.” It’s little more than a whisper. “No, not right now. I’m too upset. I can’t believe you would do this. To me. To us. To yourself. And what about her? Why are you getting married so quickly? You’ve only known each other a few weeks!”
“We were dating in secret before those first pictures leaked,” I tell her, hating the lie, hating the necessity of it, hating how easily it slips off my tongue. How if I say it often enough it almost feels like it’s true.
She makes a derisive noise. “I know that’s what you’ve said, but I feel like I would’ve known if you were seeing someone.”
“How?” I strike back. “I was gone. If I didn’t tell you, and I didn’t tell Jonathan—which, I didn’t—how would you have known? No one knew. That’s kinda the point of secret relationships.”
“Don’t use that tone with me, young man,” she fires, her voice acid. All that’s missing is an, “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out of it.” But that’s not actually Mom’s style at all.
I don’t say anything, because nothing I say will be the right thing at this point. I’ve apologized, I’ve let her know what’s going on, and that’s really all I can do.
When she remains silent, I sigh. “Alright, well, that’s what I wanted to let you know. I’ll be around to get my things later this week, because I’ll be moving in with Alexis. Talk to you soon.” And I hang up before she can say anything.
I always thought both of my brothers were overreacting a little bit to the way our mom acted when they both started serious relationships. And I thought her point of view was at least a little bit understandable. She didn’t want them to get taken advantage of, and Gabby and Lauren, as much as I like them both, don’t come from the same background we do. Jonathan was gaining traction and fame and Mom worried that Gabby would be a distraction or somehow convince him to give up that life to pursue a quieter life with her. That’s not the way it worked out, but I didn’t think her concern was unfounded. It’s no secret that she’s always been invested in our success and wanted what was best for us, even if sometimes the way she went about it was less than savory.
To be fair, though, Mom eventually came around when it was clear that Gabby helped Jonathan and supported him completely. Of course that was after Jonathan stopped talking to her for several months.
With Brendan, since he and Lauren eloped, what parent wouldn’t be upset about being left out of their child’s wedding day? And so I knew she wouldn’t be happy about my news.
But it wasn’t until Brendan brought Lauren home after they were married that Mom got really nasty to her. And then Brendan cut off contact for a while. They’re only just this last year making an effort to participate in family holidays. Even so, Christmas was an awkward affair.