it sinking farther and farther. I needed to make sure. One more time. “Do you?”
“No.”
“Are you sure?”
He frowned at me, with hooded eyes. “If I was going to regret sleeping with you, I wouldn’t have done it. I’m not one of those guys that does dumb shit in the moment. For fuck’s sake, my brother’s life is a shell of what it should be because of one of those dumb moments.”
Tears prickled at the corner of my eyes. I covered them, trying to hide the wetness, but I knew it was useless.
Caden saw everything.
Caden saw me.
So I closed my eyes instead, as if that would do anything.
“Hey.” He took my hands, gently. “What is this about? Tell me.”
His thumb went to the side of my mouth and moved down, following my lip. I realized I was frowning. I tried to laugh, but it was useless. It came out sounding like half a gurgle and half a hiccup.
Then I whispered, because it was driving me crazy, “What are we?”
“What do you mean?”
“You and me. What are we? What was this morning?”
“You want to label it?”
I held my tongue, wondering if I could go without knowing. I couldn’t. I nodded. “I guess. Is that a problem? I’ll go nuts not knowing. I just have to know about the expectations.”
“Expectations?” His eyebrows shot up.
“Yeah. Like, if I sleep here, are you going to sleep somewhere else, with someone…else?”
“No. What? No.” He shook his head. “Is that what this is all about? You think I’m going to be with some other girl tonight?”
“Well, when you put it like that, yes.” I jerked my head up and down. “Clarissa’s friend is gorgeous. She’s got all the guys eating out of her hand.”
I looked at him, wondering with a sinking heart if he’d be one of those guys. Because I couldn’t take it, not at all, not even a little bit.
“Hey.” He gentled his tone. “I thought you knew by now that I’m not that type of guy. Good God, I’m not Kevin. I don’t drink, party, and get laid. I used to. For an entire fucking year, and almost all four years of high school, that’s all I did. Then I got a phone call that my brother was in the hospital and his future was gone.”
He squeezed my hand. “No one gets it. He looks the same. He sounds the same, but he’s not. He’s dead inside. That’s what brain injuries do to you. They strip a person of what makes them them, and leave them feeling pain in ways no one can understand. Colton will never get the future he wanted. He was on student council, track captain, football captain, basketball, he was on the newspaper—that kid wanted to run for president one day. He had everything planned.”
He sighed and looked down. “Then there’s me and Marcus. I partied, did sports, got laid. That’s all. I didn’t want to be in some fraternity. I didn’t want any of this. And Marcus? He’s almost worse. He’s been racing cars since sophomore year. Still does. He and his friends, that’s where they go on the weekends.” He was losing steam. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. “You don’t know the half of it, Summer. Not even half, so no. If you think I’m the guy who’s making stupid decisions for the rest of my life, think again. I gotta live life for him now.”
“Caden.” My chest had ripped in half. His hand plunged inside, and he’d taken hold of my heart. He had it in his hand.
I touched his arm, no longer thinking. I half sat up as he turned to me. Maybe it was second-nature now. Maybe he’d read my mind, or maybe this was just what we were supposed to do, but he caught me as I moved toward him and guided me on to his lap, straddling him.
I just wanted to take his hurt away.
I knelt over him, not quite sitting down. Trailing a hand over his chest, I pushed him down on the bed. As I looked down at him, his hands went to my legs. His thumbs began to rub back and forth. My body was warming up.
His eyes darkened, but he didn’t do anything. He watched me with those hooded and pain-lidded eyes. I touched the side of his face tenderly, and I held him in the palm of my hand.
He closed his eyes and leaned into my hand. That gave me breath, and then I leaned