And that family came with a stepbrother who was my high school crush. He was everyone’s high school crush. I don’t understand it. I can’t really explain it, but I had an aching hole in me, and I used stupid daydreams and fantasies to cover it up.” Still no response. “Have you ever done that? Used alcohol or cupcakes to fill in something you don’t want to feel? That’s what I did, but on an extreme level. I couldn’t handle losing my mom. What daughter can? Especially when she’s fifteen. My mom was gone, and then Kevin was there, and I let it all get out of hand. You have to know that whatever you saw in his bedroom earlier, my feelings for Kevin never had anything to do with him. It was all my mom.”
The ache was still there. I felt it sizzling, burnishing my skin as I talked about it, but it wasn’t as bad. Some of it had lessened. There was still more to come. I knew that. I wasn’t looking forward to it, but Caden could help me.
He just had to be in front of me. He had to be with me.
I bent down, crouching on the balls of my feet, and I wrapped my arms around my knees. My eyes closed, and I whispered into the phone. “I clung to something that wasn’t real. But you, you’re real. You make me feel loved. You make me feel whole. You put me back together.”
I paused. I had to. My lungs needed air, and after filling them up, I opened my mouth to start again.
“It’s been you since you asked if something was wrong with me.” I smiled now, in the midst of all of it. “It’s been you since I hit you by accident in the hall at the frat house.” I hugged my legs even tighter, burrowing my forehead into my knees. “I love you, Caden. It’s been you this whole time. If anyone’s the fairy tale, it’s you.”
I had nothing more. My chest hurt. My lungs hurt. Everything hurt because I’d poured out all I had to him.
There was silence, complete and agonizing silence.
Finally I heard from the phone, “Fairy tales end, Summer.”
Wait—that voice was too close, too loud. I looked up, and he was there. He was gorgeous. His hair was messy, like he’d raked a hand through it, and it made me love him even more. His eyes were fixed right on me, cloudy with emotion.
He was hurting. But why?
I stood, dropped the phone, and went to him. “Caden—”
He shook his head. “Stop.”
I stopped a few feet from him. I wanted to go to him. My body wavered forward, leaning, but I held it back.
“Fairy tales aren’t real.”
My voice broke as I said, “But you are. You’re real life. You’re real.”
I couldn’t lose him.
I moved forward a step. I held my hands to my chest, wrapping them together. “Did anything I said make sense?”
He tried to smile, but it faltered.
I didn’t know if that was a good sign or not.
“I know grief, Summer. Colton’s brain injury didn’t break just him. It broke my whole family. I know what it’s like to grieve and to want to put it off. The difference between you and me? I didn’t hide from it. I felt it. I experienced it, and you still haven’t.”
I frowned. “What are you saying?”
“I think you need time to mourn your mom.”
“Caden.” I reached out for him.
His gaze went to my hand, and for a moment, I thought he was going to take it. He didn’t. He let it hang there.
“Without me,” he said softly.
“What?” Pain sliced through me. “What does that mean?”
He shrugged and put his hands into his pockets. “I want to hold you, and kiss you, and tell you everything is going to be okay. I can’t believe Kevin did that to you. It killed me to see you in his arms, but I get it. I understand what happened now, and I believe you.” He paused, lowering his head a moment. “But I need to ask you a question.”
“Okay.” I was suddenly nervous. My hands grew sweaty. “What is it?”
“Promise you’ll answer honestly.”
“Promise.” My mouth was dry.
“When we were together, did you feel your grief for you mom?”
“I…” The answer was no. I felt none of the pain. I only felt loved. How was that a bad thing, though?
“You promised, Summer.”
I had to answer. “I was only happy when I was with you.”