The two incidents were … totally different and yet eerily similar. Horribly similar. I snapped, Nic. That’s the long and the short of it. I went a little crazy thinking about losing the babies like I’d lost Matt, losing you like I’d lost Jennifer.”
He paused, expecting her to offer a word of comfort like she always did. This time, however, she remained silent. Quiet and cold.
It appeared that he’d screwed up even worse than he’d thought. Maybe it was time to pull out the big guns.
Gabe sat in the club chair opposite Nic, propped his elbows on his knees, and leaned forward earnestly. “Here’s what I’ve figured out, Nic. I can move on from Jen. I have moved on from Jen. Her face no longer haunts me. I don’t hear her voice in my head. You are the woman who haunts me now, Nicole. I’ve moved on to you. I’m in love with you.”
After a moment’s hesitation, her mouth twisted. “So what now? Do the heavens part and the angels sing? Are the babes in my womb supposed to leap for joy?”
Gabe sat back, shocked at her bitter tone and the flash of temper in her eyes as she picked up speed. “Well, guess what? That’s not happening. You had your chance, Gabe, and you blew it. I gave you everything I had—my sympathy, my compassion, my patience. I was your soft place to fall and you abused it. Abused me. You are worse than my father.”
“Wait a minute—”
“At least Bryce Randall never lied to me. He never pretended to care. Never pretended that he’d be there if I needed him. When he left us, he did it honestly. He never once gave me hope. That’s your sin, Callahan. You allowed me to hope and dream for my happily ever after. Let me tell you, this is more horror movie than chick flick happy ending.”
“That’s not fair.”
“Too bad. None of this is fair.” She rose from the rocking chair, put her hands on her hips, and glared at him. “I’ve finally figured out that grief is your lifeblood. You thrive on it.”
That pissed him off. “You think I want to grieve?” He stood, his hands balled at his sides. “You think I enjoy having my heart ripped open and bleeding?”
She shook a finger at him. “See, there you go. Your grief is as much a part of you as your DNA. It’s all about you. It’s been all about you from day one. Well, guess what, Callahan. It’s not anymore. Now it’s about these babies. They are the future. You know, I never asked you to forget your past. Never. But you damn sure need to keep the past in the past and remember that you didn’t die with them, Gabe.” She laid a hand over her womb and added, “These babies are proof of that. But no, you cling to your grief like a lifeline. So much for moving on.”
“It’s the babies. Don’t you see? I can move on from Jen, but not from Matt. Never from Matt. Haven’t you noticed that I seldom talk about him? I can’t. His smiles haven’t faded in my mind. His giggles still ring in my ears. Sometimes I swear I still feel him wrapping my finger in his tiny fist. That’s why these babies frighten me so much. If you’d lost them this morning … they are people now. They have fingers and toes and little button noses. I couldn’t see that. I couldn’t be part of it.”
“And I could? I could do it alone?” She stood straight and tall and proud. Furious. “You left me there in a cold and lonely hospital to wait out tests to see if our children would survive. Do you have any idea how long that wait was? I’ll tell you. It was the longest half hour of my life. And I did it alone. No husband. No friend. No one. Do you know how awful that was?”
He closed his eyes. He didn’t have a response for that.
“Look, Gabe, it’s true you’ve walked a path no one should be forced to travel. But, frankly, your grief and your fear are your problem. I’m done letting them be mine. I refuse to let them be these babies’ problem. Once upon a time, I thought that the best thing I could do for my children was to give them you as a father. I don’t think that anymore. What you did today devastated me. I won’t give you