think,” I said, not meeting anyone’s eyes as I paced to the staircase that led down to Trent’s great room. My hair moved, but it was only the wind of my passage; the mystics were gone. “Is the front wall open?” I shouted as I started down, tiny bells ringing.
“Yes,” Trent called back, and my pace never wavered.
Arms around my stomach, I headed down. I needed to be alone, if only for a moment. The great room was dusky with November’s early sunset coming in the great window. My feet were silent on the stairs, and I felt the muffling silence fold around me, taking me in as I descended deeper into the nothing. I held my breath as I passed the second floor with the surgery suites and secondary living quarters, down to the first floor. Hunched and unseeing, I wove through the clusters of chairs and couches, breath held against the hurt.
The window wall was a shimmer of silk. Trent had asked Lee months ago to modify the energy barrier to be visible so the girls wouldn’t crash into it. Babyproofing had a new meaning when magic was involved. I put a hand out in case as I walked through the ward, shivering as the energy seemed to peel off the last of the mystics.
Finally I was outside. I lifted my head, bringing the chill air deep into my lungs as the soft chatter of the artificial waterfall and the scent of chlorine from the hot tub filled my senses. None of this was mine, and in a surge of motion, I pulled the spelling robe off in a tinkling of bells and sat miserably on the end of a lounger, my knees almost up to my chin and my legs awkwardly splayed. Maybe if I had been at my church, it wouldn’t hurt so bad, but I doubted it.
Bis and I had held everything for one glorious moment. The world had spread at our fingertips, waiting for us to spin through it at will. It had been my safety line in a world that would just as soon see me dead. Now I was back to being a demon who couldn’t travel the lines without help. Even worse, I’d gotten Bis’s hopes up, only to crumple them up and throw them in the fire.
“I’m sorry, Bis,” I whispered, hoping the little guy was okay. We’d find a way past this, but I didn’t know how, and I sniffed, the tears no longer important.
But then I stiffened at the faint rasp of dragonfly wings, wiping my eyes and sitting up before Jenks could see my misery.
“Hey, hi,” I said, trying for blasé, but the soft gray-silver dust he was spilling told me he’d already heard. “Isn’t it too cold for you out here?” Silent, he hovered before me, his narrow features pinched in the glow of his wings. “They told you, huh?” I said, cursing myself when my voice didn’t hold steady but rose.
Saying nothing, he shrugged and moved to sit on my shoulder.
Silent, we watched the ripples on the pool until we both got cold and I stood to go back in.
CHAPTER
18
“So you took some air,” Jenks said as I rose sLOW after leaden step up Trent’s grand staircase. His wings were cold as he pressed against my neck to warm himself, and my new spelling robe was carefully draped over my arm. “So what? Do you have any idea how often I took some air when Mattie and I were first married?”
“Thanks, Jenks,” I said, knowing he was still upset I’d endangered myself if he was bringing up Mattie. As we neared the upper level, I shook off the feeling that we were ascending to the treetops. I couldn’t help but wonder if that had been Trent’s intention. The man loved climbing trees, though he was embarrassed to admit it. I’d only caught him up one once.
“You think the kids avoided the Davros statue because of the poison ivy?” Jenks asked, trying to fill the void with something so I wouldn’t notice the pain. “That’s where I take my air.”
Trent’s voice was becoming audible, his musical tones moving up and down to soothe my raw emotions. I felt weak for having left despite Jenks’s words, but I hadn’t wanted Trent, or most especially Bis, to see my misery. Jenks, though? He could see it. I’d helped him through the loss of his wife, and though this wasn’t the same, he understood.