Okay, now’s probably the time to say that I totally wasn’t expecting that.
Zach leaned closer to me, covering the minuscule space in a step. “They teach us how to do those things. At Blackthorne.”
It felt strange to have him volunteer anything about his school—his life. It felt even weirder to have him get things wrong.
“The Gallagher Academy doesn’t exactly leave its graduates clueless on the subject, you know.” I didn’t mean to sound offended, but I was.
But Zach was shaking his head. “They teach you how to save lives. They teach us how to take them. And then, how to live with ourselves after…” He touched the cool glass of the window. “It’s all my fault.”
“Nothing is your fault.”
“I told you to run away.” Zach shook his head. “I gave you the idea.”
“No you didn’t,” I said. “I’d known for a long time that it was my best option.”
“You should have taken me!” Zach didn’t seem to realize he was shouting. And if he had known, I seriously doubt he would have cared. “You needed me.”
He reached for the spot on my head, but I sidestepped his touch and moved away.
“Why? So I could watch Mr. Solomon’s protégé throw himself on another bomb to protect me? So that I could watch someone else get hurt?”
“So we could keep each other safe.”
“News flash, Zach. I am safe!”
He looked at me like I was a crazy person. Trust me. I’m a teenage amnesiac. It’s a look I know pretty well.
“You could have died, Cammie.”
“I’m breathing,” I said, defiant. “And I’m home and—”
“You could have died,” he said, easing closer.
“I’m fine,” I said just as Zach reached me.
“You could have died,” he said just as my tears finally came.
I kept shaking my head, saying over and over, “I don’t remember. I don’t remember.”
Was I talking about my summer, or about picking up the gun? Pulling the trigger, or assembling the rifle on my first day back to school? I didn’t know. Everything ran together in a blur.
“I killed someone.”
“I know.”
“I killed someone, and I don’t even remember pulling the trigger. That can’t be normal. You take a man’s life, you should remember it. You should think about it. You should know what you’re doing and…”
But I never finished because then Zach’s lips found mine. His hands burned as they left my arms and moved through my hair, bracing the back of my neck. My head still hurt, but there was no music playing.
“I remember this.” I felt my hand run along his chest, his breath warm on the side of my face. I breathed him in—Zach. “I remember this.”
And then he kissed me again, and the kiss was all that mattered. He pulled back, traced his lips across the tender place on my head.
“I…” I heard my voice trail off, my thoughts centering on the single thing I really had to know. “Are you afraid of me, Zach?”
“No.”
I looked at him, felt my hands shake and my voice break as I whispered, “I am.”