"The Circle could be here any second."
"You are the Circle!"
Joe Solomon had had far more practice telling lies than I've had detecting them, but I could see the truth in his eyes.
"It is true, isn't it?" I asked, even though, deep down, I knew it wasn't really a question.
Even though I knew.
"I'm sorry, Cammie." he ran his hand through his hair. "Cammie, I'm so -"
"No," I said numbly. I felt myself backing away, my left hand tracing the cinder-block wall of the building. I scanned the room, looking for a piece of a pipe of a tool - a weapon of any kind.
"Cammie, listen to me. I'll explain everything, but if my sources are right, then you're not safe here. You have to come with me."
"I'm not going anywhere with you!"
I wasn't think about the guards, who, moments before, I had been sure were watching my every more. I didn't reach for the panic button that I wore around my wrist like a watch, or call into my comms unit for help. I wasn't thinking as I brought my hand up along the side of his face - hard.
It was just a slap - nothing special. Hardly something they would teach in P&E. and yet I felt like doing it again. And again.
"I'm not going anywhere with you!" I said, striking out again.
"I'm not. I'm not. I'm . . ." I stopped and stared at him. "How could you?"
"I was young, Cammie."
"You were my age! And you grew up and . . ." I didn't want to cry, and so I screamed.
"You killed him!"
I expected him to lash back, strike me down where I stood. He was bigger, stronger, and more experienced, but rage is a force of its own. I watched him stumble back as if he knew that - as if I scared him.
"He's dead because of you!" I yelled, stepping forward, but Mr. Solomon didn't brace to block the blow.
Instead, he leaned against the wall, his eyes deeper and darker and sadder than anything I've ever seen, as my father's best friend stared at me, voice cracking and whispered, "I know."
What happened next was a scene I've played and replayed in my mind a thousand times.
I'll probably play it a thousand more. All I know for certain is that one second, a man I had revered, trusted, loved, and hated (in that order) was in front of me, crumbling. And in the next moment, time seemed to freeze as the door to the building swung open and a long shadow sliced across the concrete floor, and I heard a woman say, "He said we'd find you here."
I remember everything about my trip to Boston last summer - the sight of the balloons, the sounds of the crowds, and of all, the way a masked woman and two men walked toward me through the spinning shadows of a helicopter's blades.
"No," I said, as if that simple word could stop it from happening again.
The woman looked so calm as she stood in the open doorway, as if nothing could go wrong this time. As if it were over. I reached for my watch, punched the button again and again, not daring to calculate the odds of beating the Circle for a third time - not willing to waste one second more.
"No!" I yelled. It didn't matter that she was older and taller and probably far more experienced - I charged toward her, knowing that my only hope lay on the other side of the open door.
But then I stopped, because the woman was no longer alone. Agent Townsend was there.
Agent Townsend was looking at Joe Solomon and me as if Christmas had come early.
"You were right," the woman told Agent Townsend with a smile. "This was almost too easy."
I looked from the woman I could had sworn had been in Boston, to my new teacher. It didn't make sense, but sense was the last thing in the world that I could worry about, because Joe Solomon was rushing part me, flying through the open door. In one fluid motion, he knocked Townsend and the woman to the ground. I rushed outside and saw the three of them rolling down a hill, fighting through the dirt and the weeds. Dust swirled around me, and standing there, I realized I had no idea whom to trust. All I really knew for certain is that sometimes all an operative gets is one second - nothing more.
And I had already started to run.