All The Truths (Lies & Truths Duet #2) - Rina Kent Page 0,7
coldness.
I didn’t change the sheets we fucked on. I probably should’ve, but I couldn’t be bothered.
With the thick curtains drawn over the window, I don’t even know if it’s night or day.
I retrieve my phone to check the time. I put it on airplane mode and haven’t paid it attention since.
It’s five in the evening.
As soon as I turn off airplane mode, my phone buzzes with endless messages, emails, and missed calls from the squad. Lucy and Naomi sent me shouty texts about where I’ve been.
I think about making up some sort of a lie. After all, that’s exactly how my life has been in the past: a liar, a homewrecker, and everything in between.
Besides, I don’t want to explain the state I’m in. I don’t even recognize it myself.
I contemplate telling them I have the flu when an Instagram DM catches my attention.
Cloud003. He sent it two days ago, meaning the night after Jason took me to the pool house.
It’s like he was checking up on me. My chest warms at the thought.
Jason did come by yesterday, but after a knock and no reply, he left.
I click on the message.
Cloud003: …
What the hell? Just three dots?
I type before I even think about it.
Reina-Ellis: What the fuck is that supposed to mean?
The reply is immediate.
Cloud003: Alien language. Keep up, Ellis.
That draws a small smile from me.
Reina-Ellis: What do you want from me?
Cloud003: Aside from your pussy?
I roll my eyes.
Reina-Ellis: Yes, aside from that.
Cloud003: Everything you have to offer, my slut.
Reina-Ellis: How about my dark thoughts?
I don’t know why the hell I mention that. I guess I need someone to vent to. Sure, I could’ve said it to Jason in person, but the semi-anonymity—from his side, not mine—gives me an inexplicable sense of courage.
Cloud003: The gloomy cloud?
My lips fall open as I stare at the words.
Reina-Ellis: How do you know about that?
Cloud003: I know everything about you.
Reina-Ellis: Are you like in my brain or something?
Cloud003: I wish. That way, I’d know everything firsthand.
Maybe I’ve told him about it in our encounters in the past. After all, Old Reina admitted to having feelings for him. Maybe that’s why Jason came to check on me.
Reina-Ellis: It’s painful. I can’t move or drink or eat or do anything. The only movement in my brain is this signal urging me to open the window and jump, just jump and see how freeing that is.
My fingers hover over the phone as the dots appear and disappear, indicating he’s typing.
No idea why I admitted that to him. I didn’t even admit it to myself earlier. All of a sudden, I needed those thoughts out there.
They’re in the world and I can’t take them back.
Cloud003: You jump in cheerleading—why would you want to jump in another way?
I don’t know what I expected as his reply, but that definitely wasn’t it. For some reason, I thought he’d make fun of me since he’s a bit of a jerk. Or maybe I wanted him to make fun of me so I wouldn’t feel this freaked out about these thoughts.
I pause, thinking about my reply.
Reina-Ellis: It’s a different type of jump.
Cloud003: Don’t.
Reina-Ellis: Don’t?
Cloud003: You’re my slut, remember? You don’t get to end your life.
Reina-Ellis: I told you I’m no longer your slut.
Cloud003: I never agreed to that.
Reina-Ellis: Doesn’t mean you get to tell me what to do.
Cloud003: What do you look forward to when you wake up in the morning?
My fingers hover over the screen as I read his reply. I…never thought of that.
Reina-Ellis: Nothing.
Cloud003: That’s the problem. You need a purpose.
Reina-Ellis: I don’t have one.
Cloud003: Yes, you do—being my slut, remember?
Reina-Ellis: *rolls eyes*
Cloud003: Fine. Let’s think of another purpose aside from that. How about cheerleading? Your friends? Your family?
No. They’re fun, but they’re not necessarily things I look forward to doing every day.
Then it hits me like nothing before and I type the word as fast as I can.
Reina-Ellis: Redemption.
Cloud003: Redemption?
Reina-Ellis: Yeah, ever since I realized what type of person I was in the past, I wake up every day thinking about ways to fix it.
That’s why I’ve been feeling down. Since I learned my redemption hit a solid wall with Asher, I lost the purpose and the need to continue.
I lost the will to live.
He’s the one I wanted to atone to the most, and when I realized nothing I do will work on him, I just pulled into myself and allowed the gloomy cloud in.
It takes several seconds for his reply to come through.