to God I’m not.”
“I know. I knew that before you told me about Naomi.”
“It happened a long time ago, but it changed me.”
“Of course it did.”
“I’ve had years to imagine what might’ve been with her if things had worked out differently.”
“You also have a benchmark.”
He pulled back to look at her. “What do you mean?”
“That’s a term we use in business to measure the success or failure of something. Naomi was your benchmark. You know how that felt, and you were unwilling to settle for less.”
“Yes, exactly,” he said, sounding relieved that she understood. “For the first time since that happened, I want to try again to go there. Which is a pretty big deal for me.”
“I’m very honored that you feel that way about me.”
He smoothed a strand of her hair back from her face. “I was so happy when you let me bring you home with me after the fire. But then I didn’t know how to get back to where we were heading before that.”
“Where were we heading?”
His lips curved into the adorable smile that would be her undoing. “We were inching toward something, and don’t pretend otherwise.”
“I won’t, and I’m sorry if I’ve been weird since the fire. It was just such a life-altering event. I’ve been spinning ever since, reevaluating my whole life.”
“In what way?”
“I’ve been making lists of things I’ve never done, things I want to do.”
“Like what?”
She thought about the top two items on her list and had to summon the nerve to share some of the bigger ones with him. “I’ve never found my Naomi, for one thing.”
“What else?”
“I want to learn to play the piano, drive a stick, have a baby that I get to keep—at some point, not immediately. I’ve never skied or zip-lined or been to Europe. When I look back at my life, there are more things I haven’t done than things I have done. I want to stop being so concerned about protecting myself from getting hurt that I miss out on things.”
“So you’ve never been in love?”
She shook her head. “Nope.”
“Is there other stuff on your list?”
“A few things…”
“You don’t want to tell me?”
“Not yet,” she said, giving him her best mysterious smile. “Some things are better discovered than discussed.”
“Sounds intriguing.”
She continued to smile as she shrugged. “I guess we’ll see.”
“So where does this leave us?”
“I believe it leaves us wanting to give this thing between us a chance. Am I right about that?”
He leaned in closer to her, his intention clear. “You are.”
Amanda placed her hand on his face, running her thumb over the stubble on his jaw, and leaned in to meet him halfway. “As long as we understand that I’m looking to shake things up, and I have no idea what that’s going to entail.”
“I understand, and I fully support your desire to step outside your comfort zone.” He surprised her with a sweet, chaste kiss. “A lot happened tonight. You want to sleep on it and see what’s what tomorrow?”
His suggestion was actually a relief. A lot had happened, and she did need time to process it all, but she hadn’t realized that until he said the words.
“Yes, but under one condition.”
“What’s that?”
“Your bed is huge. There’s no need for you to sleep out here when you could be sleeping in your own bed.”
“With you?”
She gave him a coy look. “Unless you’d rather not…”
Laughing, he said, “I’d much rather be with you.”
“All right, then.”
“All right, then.”
Neither of them moved for a long time, awareness crackling between them like a live wire. The moment ended when Amanda blinked as she realized she was staring at him. “I, uh, do you want the bathroom?”
“You can go first.”
“I’ll be quick.”
He helped her up and waited until she was steady on her feet to let go of her hand. “Take your time. I’m going out for some more wood.”
“Okay.” Amanda ducked into the bathroom, closed the door and leaned back against it, taking a deep breath to calm herself after the intense discussion. Her mind whirled as she tried to process everything she’d learned about him over the course of this evening and to reconcile it with what she already knew.
One thing was for certain—the more time she spent with him, the more intrigued and attracted she became.
Chapter Nine
“Have patience with all things,
but first of all, with yourself.”
— Saint Francis de Sales
Landon went outside without a coat, needing to cool off before he got into a bed with Amanda. When she’d invited him to join her,