She tried to take her cues from Stella, staying quiet when she was and talking when she wanted to. Late on their last night in New York, after Stella had chosen the things she wanted to keep, Amanda boxed up the rest of Kelly’s clothes to be donated. Earlier that day, she’d turned in Kelly’s car to the dealership she’d leased it from.
Her emotions were all over the place, running the gamut from devastation to elation and everything in between. She was, she realized, grieving the loss of Kelly, who’d become a friend in the short time they’d known each other in person and over all the years they’d communicated about the girl they both loved. The sheer unfairness of her early death had hit Amanda hard, and it would take a while to work through the myriad reactions she was having to the loss.
More than anything, though, she grieved for Stella, who’d lost the most important person in her life, after having lost her father only five years earlier. It was possible, Amanda had found over the last few weeks, to feel someone else’s grief almost as intensely as they were, especially when you loved them as much as she loved Stella.
The love was bigger than anything she’d ever experienced. It filled every part of her. She loved her so much, she ached with it. Amanda had walked a fine line in keeping her own emotions in check so Stella could feel free to fully express hers. She’d talked lovingly of both her adoptive parents over the last few difficult days, as it seemed her mother’s death had resurfaced feelings from when Stella had lost her father.
Amanda couldn’t wait to see Landon, to hold him and be held by him. She’d missed him so much over the last month and a half, and it seemed like forever since she’d last slept next to him. Even from afar, he’d been her rock through the most difficult days of her life, and she would never forget that.
In between her time with Kelly and Stella, she’d finished the profiles of Mildred and Elmer, which everyone had loved, much to her relief. She’d drafted more catalog copy for Lucy, who was overseeing the final stages since Cameron had gone on early maternity leave, and had participated in meetings with Linc and the others remotely when she could. Her former boss Martin had called to beg her to stay on to coordinate their trade show presence, and Amanda had happily agreed. The only other person she’d spoken to with any regularity was her mother, who’d called to check in every day or two.
She never did sleep that last night in New York as she finished everything that needed to be done. Landon planned to leave Vermont at six in the morning and would be there by nine or nine thirty, depending on traffic.
At eight, she took a shower and made an effort with her appearance for the first time in ages. As she applied mascara, she realized she was nervous. What if everything had changed between them in the time she’d been gone? What if she’d asked too much of him by asking him to stay away during this difficult time? What if, what if. The questions ran through her mind, torturing her with the many ways this day could go bad.
She woke Stella at eight thirty so she’d be ready by the time Landon arrived. “You want breakfast?”
Stella shook her head. “Not yet.”
“Is there anything I can do for you?”
“No, thanks.”
“If there is, just let me know.”
“I will.”
Amanda headed for the door, intending to go downstairs to give Stella privacy to get dressed and pack the last of her things.
“Amanda?”
She turned back.
“I just want to say thank you, you know, for everything. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you these last few weeks.”
Amanda went to sit next to her on the bed and hugged her. “It was the greatest honor of my life to spend this time with you and your mom.”
Stella clung to her for a long time, seeming reluctant to let go. “You really think I’ll like Butler?”
“I really do. It’s the most special place I’ve ever lived. And Landon’s family is so wonderful. You’ll love them. And Simone can’t wait to meet you.” She made caressing circles on Stella’s back. “I know it’s super scary to go somewhere new where you don’t know anyone, but Landon and I will do everything we can to help you get used