All the Lies - Charlotte Byrd Page 0,32

a server to charm the ladies. I was good at that.

Don't get me wrong. I'm well aware of my privilege. I made a choice to go on that trip and to live on the streets. Most of the people out there do not.

Once things got a little bit hard, I got back into my car and I tried out something different. I applied for a job and got it on the spot. That probably had a lot to do with the fact that I was young, attractive, and well-spoken.

Still, I continued to live in my car. I read my books and tried to figure out what to do with my life. I knew that I couldn’t go back to see my family, but I also didn't want to be a server for the rest of my life. I had a four-year degree, but I didn't want to have a nine-to-five job.

Besides, there was something else that I wanted to do. The only thing, really.

When I get to the two-mile mark, I bend in half trying to catch my breath. My phone buzzes. Running in the sand is a whole other thing from running on hard ground. Both are uneven, but back home there are hundreds of rocks that can sprain your ankle, here the sand feels like it's practically pulling you down inside of itself.

I click on the message app. It’s Brooke. I contacted her for only one reason, to get in touch with her sister and now I don’t want to write her back.

We had a nice talk last night. I was friendly, but it was Emma that kept me up all night. It is Emma that I can’t stop thinking about.

I take a deep breath and turn around. A seagull flies over my head and lands on the waves, plunging her head into the water.

Three surfers walk up behind me, laughing. They are dressed in thick neoprene suits, with only their heads exposed. The youngest one, who looks about twelve, pulls the hood over his head to keep extra warm. Even though the temperature is mildly warm in Southern California most of the year, the water comes from Alaska and it rarely gets into the mid-60s, even during the height of summer.

I lean over carefully to avoid the waves and scoop up a little bit into the palm of my hand. It's ice cold and when I throw it on my face, it cools me off immediately.

I take a deep breath and turn up the music on my headphones. Then I start to run.

Later that morning, I pick up the phone and text Brooke.

As soon as she replies, I want to ask her for Emma's number, but I decide against it.

Instead, I don't write her again.

20

Emma

I spend the afternoon alone.

Luckily, Brooke has a lunch date with a few of her friends. She invites me to join them, but I decline.

At first, she says that she’ll stay and hang out with me, but I tell her that I want to be alone.

It's true.

I need a lot of downtime. I'm not one of those people that can just go from social event to social event and get replenished from having contact with other people.

Before I found Alex cheating on me, I was looking forward to spending the weekend with just him and my Kindle. I thought that we would swim, order room service, make love, and then just hang out each doing our own thing.

I'm still trying to process everything that happened.

After I found him cheating on me, I should have gone home and climbed under the covers and stayed there. After all, that's exactly what I wanted to do. The party changed all that.

Now? I don't know, maybe going to the party was a good thing.

I miss him, of course.

My heart is broken.

I want him back and I also want him dead.

It's hard to explain what it feels like to wake up one morning and have everything in your life different. The one person that I thought that I could trust is gone. What am I left with?

Don't be like that, Emma, I say to myself. You have a lot of things to be grateful for. You have a job you love. You have people who care about you.

You’re well-off, and even if you yourself aren’t particularly well-off, the fact is that your family is. There’re so many people in the world, in fact the vast majority, that are not in your situation. It doesn't mean that you can't