All Hail - J. Bree Page 0,68
the fucking wall. Heads up, don’t fucking talk about yourself like that around me or we’re gonna have problems. Big ones because you, Beaumont, are fucking perfect. The type of woman any man would crawl through glass on his knees every damn day to get the chance to be with and I won’t fucking hear you talking shit about yourself like that. Not at all, so just fucking don’t.”
He glares down the table at me like he’s waiting for me to pick a fight but, while I’m not sure I believe his assessment of the situation, I’m relieved he just aired it all out for me to pick over. “When you said no then I should have listened to you. I’ve thought about it a lot, the Jackal was distracted enough not to even check the live feed… I could have tried something else to get us both free and safe.”
He sets down his fork. “I was saying no because why would someone like you wanna fuck a Mounty like me? Fucking you wasn’t the problem, in any other situation I would’ve been a hundred percent down for that, Queenie, but you were fucking terrified. You were hurt and needed help and you still did what you could for me the second you saw that guy die from the collar. If you think any of my anger at what happened is directed at you… no. Fuck no. I’m pissed you were a virgin and had no choices. You’re the one who was assaulted.”
I cringe. That’s not my view of that room at all. I had a choice and I made it. Fine, the options weren’t great at the time but being with Aodhan wasn’t a terrible thing.
I have felt guilty every second of every day since about just how much I enjoyed it.
I wonder if I had’ve just fucked him and refused to kiss him or speak to him, if I had’ve just taken it the way the Jackal had intended, would I still have felt the guilt? If anything, I think that would’ve felt worse. The way that everything happened meant that I didn’t feel violated but that was at Aodhan’s expense.
When I tell him this, he gets really angry… the type of angry I’ve only seen that once back in that room with the Jackal. “I told you, nothing was at my expense. Whatever choices you made, I was giving them to you. Fuck, if you had’ve stuck that knife through my heart I still would’ve been happy with your choice. I went there to help you and if dying for you did that then I’d go to the grave without a fucking complaint. What else do I have to say to you for you to understand that I’m not going anywhere? I’ve watched you march into every fight with your family with your head held high and your little arsenal of tricks and I knew that you’re it for me. Sometimes you just know these things and, Queenie, I’m not fucking this up, no matter how hard you push.”
I put my fork back down on the table because suddenly I know exactly why Lips struggles to eat with her heart in her throat all of the time. Aodhan watches me for a moment and then reaches into his pocket, pulling out a little black jeweler’s box. It’s too big for a ring, thank God, and I recognize the stamp on the front as one of the smaller and more exclusive stores in the Bay.
It’s somewhere I would actually shop.
“Jewelry? I am notoriously difficult to buy for, Aodhan, you really shouldn’t have,” I murmur even though even though it’s hard to swallow around the lump in my throat. I wait until I’m sure my fingers aren’t trembling before I reach out to take the box.
He smiles at me, radiating smug energy, and says, “I cheated but I know you’ll love this.”
I open the box and immediately I want to cry. I want to break down and weep like a child because there’s never been a better gift for me.
It’s the necklace Lips gave me for Christmas, the little platinum cage with the blue diamond in there except now there’s another diamond in there with it. Dark, brilliant green that’s the same shade as his eyes.
A lump forms in my throat.
“You chewed me out for going back in there and getting shot, remember? I couldn’t leave the necklace behind… after what happened, I couldn’t have you lose that too.”
I